Idowu AbdulKabir Abiola Boluwatife: Signs of an Abusive Man The Prophet said: “The best among you is the one who is the best towards his wife” Hadith – Muslim, #3466 1. Jealousy and Possessiveness Becomes jealous over your family, friends, co-workers. Tries to isolate you. Views his woman and children as his property instead of as unique individuals. Always asks where you’ve been and with whom in an accusatory manner. 2. Control He is overly demanding of your time and must be the center of your attention. He controls finances, the car, and the activities you partake in. Becomes angry if woman begins showing signs of independence or strength. 3. Superiority He is always right, has to win or be in charge. He always justifies his actions so he can be “right” by blaming you or others. A verbally abusive man will talk down to you or call you names in order to make himself feel better. The goal of an abusive man is to make you feel weak so they can feel powerful. Abusers are frequently insecure and this power makes them feel better about themselves. 4. Manipulates Tells you you’re crazy or stupid so the blame is turned on you. Tries to make you think that it’s your fault he is abusive. Says he can’t help being abusive so you feel sorry for him and you keep trying to “help” him. Tells others you are unstable. 5. Mood Swings His mood switches from aggressive and abusive to apologetic and loving after the abuse has occurred. 6. Actions don’t match words He breaks promises, says he loves you, and then abuses you. 7. Punishes you An emotionally abusive man may withhold physical or emotional intimacy, or plays the “silent game” as punishment when he doesn’t get his way. He verbally abuses you by frequently criticizing you. 8. Unwilling to seek help An abusive man doesn’t think there is anything wrong with him so why should he seek help? Does not acknowledge his faults or blames it on his childhood or outside circumstances. 9. Disrespects women Shows no respect towards his mother, sisters, or any women in his life. Thinks women are stupid and worthless. If you continue to stay in an abusive relationship because you think he will change and start treating you well, think again. An abusive man does not change without long-term therapy. Group counselling sessions are particularly helpful in helping abusive men recognize their abusive patterns. If the abusive man is not willing to seek help, then you must take action by protecting yourself and any children involved by leaving. By staying in an abusive relationship, you are condoning it. If you are scared you won’t be able to survive because of finances, pick up the phone book and start calling family, friends, shelters and associates and ask them if they can help or know of ways to help.
Posted on: Fri, 29 Nov 2013 11:16:03 +0000
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