If you are going to avail yourself of one of our wonderful parks, here are some useful safety tips: 1. Keep to the left; 2. Try not to walk more than fifteen family members abreast; 3. Keep children on a lead; 4. Having eleven apps open whilst listening to One Direction may impair your spacial awareness; 5. Stepping back without looking won’t help you fit more landscape into your photograph; 6. If you’re so fat you can’t keep up with your two-year old on stabilisers, work on your heart attack at home and save the NHS some of my tax-pounds; 7. Whilst 10mph might be aspirational for some, for others it’s more of, well, a guideline really – so if you don’t want to have to dive headlong into a thicket of bracken stop blathering on about “what cupcakes shall we get for Charlie and Harry’s third birthday party” and look the f@ck where you’re going; 8. If you are going to cause a multi-transport-mode pile-up, it may be more gallant to ensure that your helpless three-month-old child strapped into that ridiculously pretentious “joggy” four feet in front of you isn’t the first victim. Honestly, when did this country of Shakespeare, Newton, and Churchill become such a bunch of utter morons?
Posted on: Sun, 08 Sep 2013 11:14:55 +0000
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