If you get to the end of this, I should send you a prize because its long. I thought about whether or not I should post this at all, but I feel like someone needs to say something from the perspective of a person going through it. Since the news of Robin Williams passing, Ive seen many people say that they couldnt understand how someone so loved, so wealthy, so talented, etc. could take his own life. Honestly, if you cant understand how one could take their own life, feel grateful. Ive also seen celebrities, bloggers and others use this platform called social media to say that anyone that attempts, contemplate or actually commits suicide is a coward or selfish, etc. The thought that so many people feel this way saddens me deeply. Depression is not simply feeling down about life. Its doesnt present itself as that sad little egg in those old antidepressant commercials. More than likely, the person dealing with this illness has learned to protect themselves from allowing outsiders to see the pain they live with everyday. How do they do this? They manifest that pain and turn it around - they become the comedian, the volunteer, the shoulder to cry on, the sage. They allow others to release their pain and sorrow to them to avoid dealing with their own. Why? Because depression is just a feeling. It becomes your whole life, a life you must keep hidden from the world because society will tell you that you are crazy or that you need meds to function. What does depression feel like? Unfortunately, I can tell you since Ive been dealing with it more than half of my life. Imagine yourself in a pool. Its a beautiful day, the water is perfect but suddenly, you realize that your hands are bound behind you. You begin to sink down below the surface as you fight, you thrash and internally plead for someone to find you or for a miracle to bring you back to the surface. The pain of drowning engulfs you and soon it becomes all you can think about as you sink further down into the darkness of the bottom of the pool. You somehow manage to live days, weeks, years sinking deeper and deeper into this endless pool of despair. What usually happens is somehow, through temporary circumstances, through medication, or sheer determination, you kick to the surface and gasp furiously for air, as you know this is temporary and it will only be a matter of time before you are sinking again. Those gasps of air are your friends, your family, the job you love, helping people; anything that keeps you from focusing on yourself. Anything that keeps you from sinking again, even though you know the pain is right there ready to take you pain. Depression is a trap. Its putting a smile on your face while wearing a suit of barbed wire. There are days where you cant breathe or blink with immeasurable pain.Or youve gotten to the point where the pain is so overwhelming, you can no longer feel anything. Dark thoughts and escape plans are all you can think about. Eventually, you begin to wonder What am I fighting for? Why do I have to stay here if all I meant to feel is pain? Whats the point of existing if I cant feel anything at all??! Depression isnt about other people. Its an illness just like any other. To say that someone that commits suicide is selfish is the most selfish thing you could possibly utter out loud. Its not easy to decide you cant fight anymore, and its not any different than deciding to stop treatment for any other terminal illness. The depressed person isnt trying to seek attention or hurt their family or friends ; they just want the pain to stop. People living with depression are often the funniest, the sweetest, or the most talented people you know; the people you would never guess where depressed. They only confide or lean of those closest to them, but the rest of the world sees a mask. I dont understand how she could kill herself; she was so ________ The mask worked. So if you cant understand why someone dealing with depression could kill themselves, consider yourself fortunate. We all have our ups and down, our good months and bad months, those days where it feels like Murphy has turned you into his own personal source of entertainment; and the healthy will know that these moments are just temporary. For someone with depression, life can often feel life you are just biding your time until the day the pain finally stops. When someone has reached the point of suicide, they are saying that they just couldnt take one more second of pain and that they felt it was better for everyone involved to just let go. There is no logic in depression, so it can not be rationalized. What we should learn from this tragedy is that everything is not as it seems. Take this time to educate yourself on mental illness. Maybe this could be the break that this country needs to finally take mental illness seriously and help people that are suffering connect wont those that are not. I used to think that the worse thing in life was to end up all alone, its not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone. - Robin Williams
Posted on: Tue, 12 Aug 2014 18:58:02 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015