Im a good person but a shitty writer. Youre a shitty person but a good writer. Wed make a good team. I dont want to ask you for any favours, but if you have time- and from what I saw, you have plenty- I was wondering if you could write a eulogy for Hazel. Ive got notes and everything, but if you could just make it into a coherent whole or whatever? Or even just tell me what I should say differently. Heres the thing about Hazel: Almost everyone is obsessed with leaving a mark upon the world. Bequeathing a legacy. Outlasting death. We all want to be remembered. I do, too. Thats what bothers me most, is being another unremembered casualty in the ancient and inglorious war against disease. I want to leave a mark. But Van Houten: The marks humans leave are too often scars. (Okay maybe Im not such a shitty writer. But I cant pull my ideas together, Van Houten. My thoughts are stars I cannot fathom into constellations.) Hazel is different. She walks lightly, old man. She walks lightly upon the earth. Hazel knows the truth: Were as likely to hurt the universe as we are to help it, and we are not likely to do either. People will say its sad that she leaves a lesser scar, that fewer remember her, that she was loved deeply but not widely. But its not sad, Van Houten its triumphant. Its heroic. After my PET scan lit up, I snuck into the ICU and saw her while she was unconscious. I walked in behind the nurse and got to sit next to her for like ten minutes before I got caught. I really thought she was going to die before I could tell her that I was going to die, too. I just held her hand and tried to imagine a world without us and for about one second I was a good enough person to hope she died so she would never know that I was going, too. But then I wanted more time so we could fall in love. I got my wish, I suppose. I left my scar. What else? She is so beautiful. You dont get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her. You dont get to choose the ones you hurting this world, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers. I do, Augustus I do.
Posted on: Thu, 25 Sep 2014 16:24:18 +0000
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