Im going to make this post, not for a pity party, or to hear people feel sorry for me. But for the prayers. That I desperately need. Today, I had to call my surgeon to ask a question. During the phone call I figured Id ask if they got the results for the tumor. And unexpectedly got the reply, that it came back as lymphoma. A cancer that attacks your lymph nodes. And I immediately broke down. Its a word you never want to hear. I thought the worst was over with gettin the tumor removed. As the nurse continued to talk, she explained theres a 98-100% cure rate. Which is great, still not okay but its not the worst. It still didnt help the fact that I was just told, I have cancer. How?! Why?! Does this disease not realize how much I have to live for? How much happiness its trying to take from Me?! Does it not realize I literally JUST started living my life? As you can imagine every horrible scenario went through my head. Even though I was just told that with treatments it will reside. Thats not the point. Im 21, with a husband and 3 little girls who need me. All that I could ask is why? Why do I have to be the one to battle this. When I found out I was picking the girls up at school. And I tried as hard as I could not to cry, because I knew it would upset them. I was asked a million times what was wrong. And how do you explain that to two little girls? You just cant. All I said is Ill be okay, and Alexis grabbed my arm and said itll be okay momma, I promise which made me cry worse. Then I told Andrew, and as he hugged me and told me it would be okay, Addison said daddy, Sunday at church can we pray for momma, and tell everyone else to and it melted me. A 7&6 year old had more faith then I did at that moment. And I caught myself. I was literally letting the devil get me at my possible worst and trying to bring me down. With that said, I told myself right then cancer was NOT going to win. Its not controlling my life. Nor will it rip me from my family. I WILL overcome this. And I WILL keep my faith. Yes Im terrified. But I also am confident god has this all worked out. I will continue loving, raising, and growing stronger each and every day. And Ill do it with three gorgeous babies and my husband and family standing beside me through it all. I will not give up on God, or loose my faith in him. Hes brought me this far for a reason. And I believe that reason is to love and grow old with 3 beautiful and loving girls, and grow old as the good lord will let me with Andrew. And this cancer will NOT in any way rip me from my family. So with all of this, PLEASE, PLEASE! Pray for me as hard as you can, to not only overcome this and beat it. But to not give up on god, and to NEVER loose my faith. Hes never given me anything I cant handle. I just pray he brings me through this stronger than what I was going into it. I know I can do this. Just remember me.
Posted on: Tue, 02 Dec 2014 01:52:35 +0000
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