Im just emotionally conflicted. I dont like this feeling; its anxiety-ridden and low. Im just... not so good with this. One year. one. whole. year. Time really does exist in a vacuum. This night, last year, I was probably trying to sleep at this moment, & I eventually did sleep, but I vividly recall waking up, seemingly out of nowhere, around four. I remember it was cold in my room, I was cold, but not in that way where you dislike it, you just, embrace it. I remember looking outside, it was still dark but the sky was a little pinkish. I remember wondering if I should try to go back to sleep or just stay up, After a few minutes of contemplating, my mother called me and my heart dropped. There would only be one reason for her calling at that time. Damn leukemia... She called to tell me that my grandfather had just past away. Even when you know it has to come and you know it will come soon, you just, are never fully prepared to hear those words… ‘Grandpa passed away.’ I remember I still went to class that day, I didn’t talk much, tell more than a couple people, or even participate much, I just didn’t know what else to do; I couldn’t just very well be alone with myself in my room with all that in my head. I’m awfully poetic so I outside for awhile staring at the sky, watching it change colors, thinking ‘how dare a sun rise without you here and theres always a moment where it hits you that life really does go on, and the realization of it feels like a knife in the heart. I started to think of all the things he wouldnt be there to see… Tiff give birth, graduation, weddings, birthdays, holidays, visiting just-because on a Tuesday, and it I just couldnt move for some time… All I know now is that I am sad, I miss you madly, and nothing compares to you... I am very grateful for having been loved by you and I continue to love, cherish, and honor you/your memory. Even though Im sad, this song makes me smile a little when I think of hearing you sing it.
Posted on: Fri, 31 Jan 2014 08:09:54 +0000
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