Im learning the hard way. Beware of the person who wears the face of someone you loved long ago. That person no longer exists, yet is called up from time to time to reel you in, soften you into believing he cares for your well being. Oh, you would love to believe him, but self preservation holds you back from taking that final step. And thats when it happens. Thats when the anger, and hatred spews forth and hits you. What makes it worse? What makes it horrible? Theyll never know how you still wake up, after dozing for a few minutes, and you forgot. What is in your mind in those sleep hazed moments is your initial thoughts of, Is he OK? Is his arm hanging off the bed? Is he covered enough? Or in your sleep you were cold and rolled over to get warm, but forgot he isnt there. And then it hits you like a ton of bricks, so you cant catch your breath and you force yourself to remember it all. When you look up there he is, but it hurts just to look at him because you do not want him to know any of this. See, the first thing hell say is how you didnt want any of this, and yes, it is true, I didnt. Then the next thing youre hit with is how dishonest and untrustworthy you are, because you caught him in his lies. And lastly you dont jump at his offerings, because you doubt they are sincere, and its another one of his attempts to force you out fast, like last year. So you hold on, and you are caught between what is and what used to be. You see the face of the person you used to love, but he no longer exists. Because THAT person would have protected you from THIS person. And that is the tragedy of it all. How I wish he was here.
Posted on: Mon, 25 Nov 2013 04:43:41 +0000
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