Im not being dark and foreboding here or morbid.Im simply describing my viewpoint.Lavey once said that even as a youngster he was always keenly aware of his own mortality.That was one of the first times I had ever seen somebody describe so perfectly what I have always felt.I dont know if its just a only child thing,I have never felt youthful or the thrill of being a teenager,the bubbly exuberance of youth.I also never had the I will never get hurt or I will never die because Im young attitude.All the crazy and dangerous things I do I always know I could be horribly hurt or even die. Its not that I dont think I could die,its that Im not afraid if I do.Im even flabbergasted that I have made it to 34 and sometimes I wonder if I should have allowed myself to get this far.People ask me in interviews where do you see yourself in 10 years,and I try and skirt the issue because I never see myself that far ahead.And at 34 I feel like I have lived at least 3 or 4 lifetimes.And I have never had a extreme amount of difficulties in my life,just my normal share.The reason I even get out of bed everyday is more from a sense of responsibility or duty.I have a responsibility to my mother,to Jim and to my pets and even to some extent to my art to be here.If I didnt have that I dont know,I really dont know.And I dont want people to freak out and worry about me because Im not talking about being suicidal or being morbid ect.Im just simply keenly aware of the fact life is very very perishable,which makes it painful to be on earth because that means those you love will be gone in the blink of a eye.In some ways its good because when you cant see yourself 3 months for now,it makes you get off your butt and get things done.Without that feeling that I have no time I wouldnt have accomplished 30% of what I have been lucky enough to do and experience.
Posted on: Fri, 18 Apr 2014 05:50:12 +0000