Im pretty sure the dogs are trying to kill me today.. A few times Ive caught them in secret talks, sneaking off to the bedroom together to lay out their devious plans. They tried to throw me off the track by licking their non-existent balls and stuff, maybe run into the kitchen to sniff the bin bag for a bit, but I know what the little bastards are up to. Im wise to it. Oh yes, on at least THREE occasions today theyve run under my feet as Ive been walking through the house, and on three occasions Ive narrowly avoided tripping over them, and smashing my face off a wall, bath or radiator. GET AWAY FAE ME, YOU MURDEROUS CANINE BASTARDS! - That didnt work, it just provoked them to bust out their best distraction techniques, which is pretty much face licking, looking all cute and shit, then rolling on their back expecting belly rubs. Stage Two of their cunning Kill The Fatty plan was to leave a half chewed bone in the middle of the darkened hallway for me to stand on. I didnt fall when I inevitably did stand on it, but Im pretty sure my life flashed before my eyes, and the neighbours heard swear words that Im pretty sure would have me locked up in several less accommodating countries. So now Im hiding in the bedroom writing this in fear, while the two BASTARDS stand there in the doorway staring at me with their cold, dead eyes. Its like bloody Children of the Corn in this place, except with less Albinism and more fart smell.
Posted on: Tue, 22 Jul 2014 15:56:06 +0000
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