Im ready to add my friends back, but Im not sure if theyre ready for me. I dont blame them for being so offended over what I did. I mean, for me to just remove them with little to no explanation? Id be mad, too! But I wish theyd understand why I removed everyone. But then, even if they knew wh, removing them out of an assumption that I would just piss them off is insulting enough. Its questioning their mentality, and their friendship with me to begin with. It was proving to them that I dont see us being as close as they saw us being. Im unsure as to how I didnt see that. I guess I was just thinking of myself and not how my actions would make others feel. As usual. Maybe I never saw my friends as really being friends. Just friendly faces that I knew the names to. Because Id always end up pissing them off in the end, I just ASSUMED that these people would run off, too... So Ive stopped letting it get far enough for that confrontation to ever happen. Ive always cared for my friends and thought of them fondly, but I never trusted them to stay around when my anger would show its ugly face. Thats why Id distance myself, and even push people away. I enjoyed how nice people were to me when wed first meet, but I always knew that Id just anger them in the end... So I avoided the pain of rejection by not getting close enough to be rejected to begin with. I never felt I was worth sticking around for, honestly. I guess Ive found that its just easier to fade away, leaving them with our fond memories and wondering what I was doing now, and how Ive been. Thinking of me with warm, happy memories instead of their feeling anger towards me for something stupid Id done or said in the moment without realizing the consequences of my decision. I figured every friendship would end, anyway, so I figured to just end it myself on a good note. In the end, my lack of friends is nothing that I should complain about... Especially since Ive been actively choosing to make this happen this way. This is probably too personal to post here, but Ive got a feeling that somebody reading this needs to actually read this. I could be wrong, but Im sure ignoring a post of mine isnt that hard for people to do.
Posted on: Thu, 21 Aug 2014 23:28:23 +0000
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