Im sad to be missing Pride this year, and hope you all have a fabulously gay day. I am leaving Belfast this week due to the failings of the NHS to provide adequate care, and am taking active measures to see health professionals outside of NI. Around 8 years ago, I was doing well in school and looking forward to the future. This was all suddenly and devastatingly snatched away by the onset of severe Pure-Obsessional OCD. In the years since, it has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Sometimes I have been able to distract myself enough for a few months at a time, but in these 8 years there have been just a handful of times where I have almost reached what most people call happiness. People with Pure-O do not clean or organize obsessively, they are bombarded constantly with the worst fears and torments imaginable until they become huge obsessions. Being told by an almost demonic voice in your head constantly that you are an evil person, have done things you havent, are responsible for things you could not possibly be responsible for and that you do not deserve to live is commonplace for OCD sufferers. Losing your job, most of your relationships, your education and the ability to enjoy things is heartbreaking, but nothing compared the pain of losing yourself in an identity crisis. When reality becomes obscure, there is nothing left to hold on to, and simply staying alive becomes an agony I cant begin to explain. So seize happiness at every opportunity. Never, ever take your mental health for granted, and absorb as much joy into your lives as you possibly can. Because you dont get unlimited chances. And sometimes you reach a point where what has been felt cannot be un-felt, there will always be permanent damage even if you survive. While my own situation seems bleak sometimes, I take comfort in the fact that not everybody feels this way. There are others out there making the most of life and I hope to see all my friends and family take from it what others cannot. At least then, all is not lost. Peace and love to you all, and thank you. I know I must have been incredibly difficult to deal with at times, your patience and love has saved me more than once and I will not forget it. Namaste
Posted on: Tue, 29 Jul 2014 23:34:04 +0000