Im tired. Tired of putting on a fake smile and trying to convince everyone around me im okay when inside i feel like im dying. Tired of being that guy that tries so hard to make evryone happy, to always be there and always help however i can and never knowing who i can turn too when i need someone to return the favor. Im tired of working my ass off just to have it all taken from me and not being able to do anything about it. Tired of being stressed. Tired of being angry. Tired of being sad and hurt. I cant take much more of this. Over the last 3 months i have lost every material thing i have worked so hard for and much more then that. I was in an accident that could have ended me and i realize right now that its in these moments when you find out who truly cares. Who truly loves you and doesnt just say the words. Ive been thru alot lately and i know it could be so much worse but today was the last straw. Today i lost my car. Those of you that know me can imagine how much that hurts. But its gone and im right back where i started years ago. But im starting over and im making some changes. Im done trying to please all of the ungrateful, selfish, inconsiderate people in my life. Im done doing for others that only take and never think or care enough to give back. Take what you want from this post...i dont care, but understand this. Today i start moving forward again and those of you who only take love and never give it back will soon be a distant memory because i dont have room for you anymore. I cant risk losing what i still have trying to please some ridiculous sense of family or friendship that only exists in my heart and not yours. Its killing me inside and very few people in my life have cared enough and taken the time to see that. Believe it or not most that have taken the time to be here when i needed them were people who barely know me or perfect strangers. That saddens me but it also helped me to open my eyes. Ive been to the bottom, fought my way up thru things you cant even imagine and ill be damned if im going to sit here and give up now! Everything i earned is gone and thats that but today is the last time i let someone take from me without a fight! This started off as a simple post but as i type my thoughts are becoming clear and my heart feels something again. Something i havent felt in a very long time. That something will be what drags me out of this hole. That and the love of TRUE friends and family. Thank you to those of you who have been here thru this with me. I couldnt have gotten thru this without you. and if you are wondering if you are one of those people...chances are youre not or you wouldnt have to wonder, you would know. To those that dont seem to care enough...i urge to do some soul searching of your own. Find out who you are. Open your eyes and realize there are more important things in life then petty fighting, gossip and drama. At the end of the day the only thing that really matters, at least to me, is that my loved ones know they are loved. Please understand that i am not perfect and i have not always done the right things or loved the way i should. Im no angel. But im making a concious effort to be a better man starting today.
Posted on: Sun, 07 Jul 2013 14:10:12 +0000
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