๐๐๐ In loving memory of my mummy ๐ข๐ข ๐ This moment marks 1yr.. For the last time and night my mum n i gazed into each others eyes. ๐ it was a long and deep souL connecting conversation we had, with no words. ๐ ... She then went into a comma... Later Through the night I finally told her it was ok to go, and we would all be ok.. (She was always worried about us, as most moms are) but I told her that if she wanted to keep fighting.. I was here 100% with her still as long as she wanted me to be. Her breathing became progressively worse.. and she passed away in the early morning at 8:20am while my dad n i held her hand crying. ๐๐ it was the hardest thing Ive ever experienced in my life!!! ๐๐ ๐ I was the only right thing in my heart to do and where I felt my soul needed to be.. ๐ she was there for my first breath.. So I felt I needed to be there for her last... And lovingly embrace her final moments here in this physical life ๐ .. My goal was to help and naturally help heal her to the best of my knowledge and ability!.. No matter how long it took! As I know ALL DIS-EASES can be healed and cured naturally.. Also getting down to the root emotional problem. I without hesitating postponed my job/career (which I almost lost..) and left the man of my dreams behind at home along with my furry baby, to be by her side. I even cancelled my planned 1month trip and flight to Thailand. I had and have No regrets! She was diagnosed with a terminal cancer about a wk before I got the news.. As soon as I got the call.. I was on a plane in hours.... As she would have been for me ..Or any of her 3 babies ๐๐๐ Within a few days ... with her strength of wanting to live and her daily permission.. I was able to bring all her vitals remarkably up with the help of my brother n dad for researching and my girlfriend ananda and I, with Our extensive knowledge of NATURAL and Holistic healing. ๐ she went from only a day left to live.. To a place n state where doctors said I was waiting my time to a wk later the opposite obviously what your doing is working.. ๐ She could soon eat again (after 2months of not being able to keep from down.. Due to a cancerous block in her colon).. And also able to have surgery so she could finally eat and pass the food. After 2 months of day and night by her side nursing and loving, we were able to get her off all pain meds and iV, ready to travel to Mexico where they have World renown cancer clinics!! ..That would continue the same but more intensive type of natural treatment plan I started with her. She was soo excited to get to Mexico. ๐๐ Then... a lunge infection took her within 48hrs and the doctors were not willing to work with us quickly, since she was still deemed with a terminal Dis-ease. ๐ ๐ I feel extremely blessed that I was able to be with her in these final 2 months, by her side. ๐ many of you do not know... our relationship and Contact for the past 10yrs was minimal due to her choice of religious beliefs.. Not my or my brothers choice! ๐ I respected her beliefs and rules she had to follow, as this was her personal choice to follow her faith. (none of us kids were bad peeple by any means.. But the religion we grew up in and that she chose to continue to follow for many yrs with my dad... Had many hard rules.. I chose to leave at the age of 21 for many person and spiritual growth reasons, and so did my older siblings b4 me. ) ๐dad says she cried every day, missing us๐ข๐ข๐ข I recognised the dis-ease her body created in her, was because she held onto so much pain, anger and could not process and digest not having the three greatest loves of her life, close to her. I dont blame the religion, just recognize the limitations and heartaches it created for her and us.. And dis-ease it created in her body. ๐ +Despite the bonding eXperince between my dad and I due to this, and promising our love and contact would never go back to the way it was.. Because of the utmost respect he now had for the Love we showed.. He has gone back to no contact. I lovingly release him, and send him love daily. ๐ ๐ I still feel so much heart ache and find memories flood my mind of my final time with her.. My daily nightmares are less but I now and still dream more peasantly of her often.. especially this time of the month. ๐ Although i feel blessed to have had this closing opportunity with her.. i feel so much pain + regret and sadness even though i know in many ways I did the BEST I could + She felt so much immense UNCONDITIONAL LOVE !!!! ๐ This eXperince has shown me, that LETTING GO, has been my challenge through life.. And this yr with her physically leaving us.. even more so. I have grown an immense amount spiritually since + have become even more connected to source through this eXperince ๐ Although I feel her energy and presence and know her soul has just moved on from this physical life .. I Find it interesting how much I emotionally struggle especially around this time of the month.. Even days before I recognize its her time. LoVe and miss u mummabear.. Thank you for choosing me to be your little girl and for being the incredible mother and friend you were and still are. I feel u with me still.. Always ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
Posted on: Tue, 27 Jan 2015 12:53:10 +0000
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