In the last couple of weeks, many of you have asked about my relationship with Michael; wondering how we met, how we make it work, and how he really feels about being married to a widowed person. If our story provides hope for any of you, we are both happy to share the answers... Michael and I have been married for almost four years. 6.5 years ago, we met on eharmony while he was living in Australia and I was living here (yes, for real!). Eharmony had (still has?) and option to seek matches all over the world. Michael and I chose this option for totally opposite reasons. He chose it because he had been on eharmony for awhile, and wasnt connecting with anyone. I chose that option because I wasnt sure I was ready to date, but wanted to test the idea out. I figured talking to men in other countries might lead to some interesting pen pals, instead I found a husband ;) I have three children, and Michaels first experience as a parent came along with his new American wife. In my experience, blending a family requires patience, the ability to see things from your partners and your kids perspectives, and a lot of hard work. Weve come a long way over the past four years, and I am so grateful for the fact that my kids and Michael have successfully built their own relationship. Building and nurturing our blended family takes work and patience, every day. No, I havent gotten over the fear that Michael might die. I choose to love him knowing that he will die. Dealing with the fear that this rebuilt life will also end way too soon has been one of the most challenging things about remarrying. I cant un-know what death has taught me. So, when someone says, Michael hasnt called, but I am sure he is fine. My brain says, Phil was fine, too, and then he was dead. I deal with this fear by remembering that if I was given the chance to love Phil again, knowing in advance when and how he would die, Id choose the pain of losing him over never having the chance to love him, over and over again. I make that same choice now by loving Michael. Every bit of love, joy, and laughter is worth the cost I will eventually pay. *Unless he lets me die first, which is our agreement! ;) This fear is a bit harder on Michael. I am more concerned about illnesses, I warn him to be careful fairly regularly, when we walk together on the street I offer helpful warnings about not getting hit by a car, and if he doesnt call or cant be found by phone, text, or email...things sometimes get a bit ugly. Every once in awhile I will be laying with my head on his chest, and tears start flowing for no apparent reason. Its just that sometimes loving him is so bittersweet, that it breaks my heart. I know I only have him for a minute really, the time flies so quickly. When I cry over the fact that he will one day die, he just hugs me, and for a moment we are both reminded to make the most out of the days we have together, however long they turn out to be. Lastly, is he REALLY okay with the fact that I am widowed, and with the fact that the word widow is spoken countless times in a day around our home? I did warn him, by the way. When we first started corresponding and the question of what I do came up, I talked about the passion I have for my work. I told him that what I do isnt work, it is a calling. I answer the call of widowed people at all hours of the day and night. I call people back on Sunday afternoon, because my heart hurts for them, and because I remember what it is like to send a plea for help out on a voicemail and hope that someone calls back. Michael has heard my end of countless conversations with widowed people, hes met hundreds of widowed men and women, hes answered questions (of all kinds!) that inquiring minds want to know, and in many ways he has lived a public life with details of his marriage posted on facebook, twitter, instagram, blogs, presentations, and books. He is also a beacon of hope that another great love can come into the life of a widowed person, and that they will not have to trade in one love for another. His volunteer work with Soaring Spirits is such a beautiful demonstration of that truth. And, yes, he really, really, really is not only okay with the fact that I am widowed, he knows that I am a better wife because I am widowed. Typing those words is hard. The only regrets I have about my marriage to Phil are the moments I lost with him because I was too busy to sit and watch a movie with him or when the laundry was more important than a conversation with him or when I was angry about something small for way longer than I should have been. Ive learned the hard way that life is short. Phils death taught me to be a better wife, because I only get one chance to be in this moment, to make amazing memories, to speak kind words, to love people well. Michael views my love for Phil as proof that I will love him forever. There is no baggage resulting from my widowhood, only life lessons that have changed me, mostly for the better.
Posted on: Tue, 29 Jul 2014 15:13:49 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015