In the moving business, the key to success is relocation, relocation, relocation. I used to work for a moving company until I suffered a dislocation, dislocation, dislocation. The company’s motto was “We really move you!” Recently I hired a company to move me. I’m just waiting to see what they do with the fine art—you know, when they get to the part where the van goes. If I wanted high scores, I’d stick to playing golf. Instead of bowling, if I wanted a lot of strikes, I’d stick to baseball. I once got a hole in one. It followed my last of five putts and seven shots to get to the green. I once tried to origami of an exploding deli overwhelming a town with a wave of falling meats. I called it an origami salami tsunami. I got the idea from a fortune telling mother who specializes in those things: the Origami Salami Tsunami Swami Mommy. I do hope the Swami Mommy warned my left-wing friend, Tommy, the Commie. I think an origami salami tsunami would drive him quite balmy. He hates salami – though he does buy pastrami to feed his gourami. Since he hated salami, he found the preceding was the wurst. C3PO goes into a bar to pick up fembots. His pick-up line: I’m the droid you’ve been looking for. He’s the droid, but she’s the annoyed. I’m not saying that he’s stupid, but I swear that he could get himself locked in a convertible with the top down! At the cloning lab, they were looking for new “blood.” The one thing you can still get for a buck is your cabbie’s opinion of you. You’re elocution is so great and wonderful that the only thing better would be total silence. Hey, Obama! You’re surveillance cameras make me look fat! The Frankenstein’s monster’s arm fell off during a fit of rage. It seemed that he became unglued. There are those who find drinking cow’s milk to be udderly ridiculous. How many sisters of the abbey go into heaven? Nun. Zeus was married to Metis and impregnated her. Warned that her son will kill him, he swallowed her. In time he had a splitting headache. He summoned help from the craftsman god Hephaestus, who carved an ax and split his head open. And Athena sprang forth, fully armed. This is known as a myth conception. I’ll meet you later at the Optimist Club meeting unless I get hit by a garbage truck or a piece of space debris falls on me. Modern retelling: Look up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s a freaking drone! (Is it ironic to say that the drone is fighting for TRUTH, JUSTICE and the AMERICAN WAY?) I’ve had so many slices on the golf course I’m now thinking of ordering pizza. A hit and run is a serious crime – unless you are playing baseball.
Posted on: Fri, 14 Jun 2013 22:11:28 +0000
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