In the two hours we spent in the grocery store, here is just a smattering of things that came out of my mouth: Sure, sweetheart! As long as you keep your hands to yourself, stay close to my cart, and follow instructions, Im sure this will be a fun trip and you may earn one reward. We are not getting into the racecart because you pitched a fit about brushing your teeth. Well, Im OK with you being disappointed. No. No. No. Put that back. Sit, please. No. No! Look, I am sick today. I need you to cooperate. I do not feel well. No! Dont eat the.. Fine. Eat the banana. Im sorry youre offended that my toddler is not strapped in. Well, good for you and your concern. Stop whacking your banana all over the place! Fine, have a mushy bana.. Look, let me help you. You cant open a banana by yourself yet, honey. Can you find your manners? Yes, I will help you open the banana. Please stop hanging on the cart. No. Did I say move the cart to the other side of the produce? No, I did not. When I said, Stop, please did that mean book it faster? No, it did not. Oh, thank you! Yes, shes two, and hes four. She just gave you a compliment, Cannon, what do you say? We try! Have a good day... *Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh* Do you reeeeeally want that tiny pumpkin? OK. If you take good care of him and hold him through the store, I will buy you the pumpkin at the checkout. No. Honey, DO NOT poke your fingers through the meat!!!!! NO! AUUUUGH DONT LICK YOUR RAW MEAT FINGERS! In front of the cart is not a good place to be. Stay to the side or get inside... Well, frankly, Ive been shopping with kids for 4 years, and I know when they need to be strapped in and when they dont. Would you like to complete my shopping for me, sir? Heres my list! Sweetie, you werent interested in the pumpkins when we were looking at them. You were busy playing with the bananas, remember? Fine, you can have a pumpkin, too. But look, this small one has bumps on it! Look, I cannot argue with anyone else today. Please just choose a pumpkin. Fine, we will buy both and that will be my pumpkin. Please just sit down. I think Im going to throw up. Just walk faster, Cannon.... Just jump on the side of the cart, lets go! Put that back. No. No. Oh, sir, well, thank you for the cough drops. Thats very kind of you. I guess I do need some. No. Where did you get that?! No! Oh. my gosh. Did you really just remove the meat from the package? Yes. Yes you did. What is that smell? Oh, Gracy... I didnt bring the diaper bag in. Well, Cannon, its a nice idea, but Im not paying $13 for a package of diapers; Ill just go to the car. No. We just finished a package of gummi bears. Im not buying any more. Where is my cart?! Im sorry, but I was still shopping. How much did you put back? Oh, diarrhea! Again?! Didnt we just have grocery store diarrhea on Friday? Cannon, you get under there now and unlock all those doors. I just washed your hands. Why did you fish that out of the toilet? No. Excuse me - maam? I was still shopping with that cart. You dont remember what you put back? OK... No. Let go of the freezer door so we can close it. Honey, no, I dont think you want that banana anymore. Its really mushy. Well, I dont know! Just find a place in the cart for it where Gracy wont get to it and mush it more. No, you already have a pumpkin. Thats enough. Is there any location in the store that is strategically far enough from both sides of the aisle so velcro baby wont grab anything? Oh my gosh. I forgot about the raw meat, ewww! Well, shes two. She takes her shoes off and throws them! Its just being 2. Im doing the best I can. Well, you know what? I have some advice for both of you. Why dont you mind your own business, and Gracy, next time, aim higher! No. No! We are not buying vitamin water. Yes, it is pink. Water is not supposed to be pink. Well, people are just full of advice for me today, arent they. No, I dont have any coupons. [I receive scolding look from frugal person who also tells me I have a growing family. Seriously? I hadnt noticed.] AAAAUGH! GRACY! Stop grabbing the pennies....[crash!] I hate the lucky penny dish. Cannon, please dont scrub around on your belly on the floor... *SIGH* Thank you for picking up all the coins. Yes, you have to put them... Gracy, we do NOT EAT MONEY. [fishing dimes out of her mouth] Yes, I would like help out to my car. Thank you. Thank you. Just...thank you.
Posted on: Thu, 13 Nov 2014 19:52:32 +0000
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