(Inbox) I need some advice so he goes...summing up the background: 17 year relationship (included 12 years marriage), 4 kids, last three years marriage he has repeatedly unfaithful but blames me, I work heard and very family focused, been separated one year, he ran off with married woman which ended last winter, he was charged with a domestic, I have sole custody bc he chose not to walk in the courtroom (says he felt destroyed). Fast forward...off and on he contacted me very low trying to see if I still love him. He always was told yes. Lots of pull me in then says I f-up and he basically rejects me. The last two months weve spent lots of time together with the kids. Hed say things to suggest he was thinking reconciliation...and started having meals together, chatting daily all day, doing activities together...I repeatedly said I loved him, didnt want to complete the divorce, had me proving by action that I loved him. He wouldnt say he loves me...slept with me once...and I told him a few times if he was serious about reconciliation hed accept couple counseling and hed be meeting my needs too such as I love you too. He feels I have to prove things to him not vice versa but I think two ppl who want it to work both invest in showing things to each other. My kids and I were thinking this was headed to reunite us all. Two weeks ago he discovered the pure bred had been bred two months ago. I havent received any financial support all along. He was angry I didnt consult him on the decision and suggested that I really didnt value his feelings therefore didnt truly love him. Later that weekend a friend sees him at the bars dancing with a woman who he now texts and is friends with. I told him that since hed cheated before IF he was serious about saving the marriage hed avoid anything like that previous behavior. I said if ur not in I am out...his reply was I never asked u to be in....I told him I was moving on and couldnt be treated that way and Id let FRO come after him for child support. He said that me believing he should pay support is wrong and if I loved him I wouldnt have that outlook or consider him as a father that doesnt take care of his kids. Hes making me feel that of I enforce court ordered support that it validates his belief system that I dont really love him and havent changed. He thinks I should live everyday consistent with loving him if I want any hope ever in having a future with him. In the meantime I believe he feels under no obligation to commit to me, my gut says hes interacting more with this friend he met, etc. Side note: he lives rent free with his parents for the last year, hes 40, works, pays for two ice hockey teams to play on, ball hockey, goes to the bar, plays poker, goes to the casino. When confronted about that he says its either that or he puts money aside for his coffin bc hed end up depressed with having to social life then will end up depressed and unable to work. Advice? Thoughts? Is he just trying to manipulate me so hes not accountable to support the kids?? Is my gut right that he really doesnt give a crap about me? Pls add...he says I have two choices 1. I enforce support payments and he leaves and never sees the kids or 2. I give him 50/50 custody with no support bc he says hes an amazing father who loves his kids (again he lives with his parents, and is on probation til feb and legally cant live with them without changing his probation order for the domestic that he says is BS) #MCAR
Posted on: Tue, 30 Sep 2014 21:36:25 +0000
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