Incredulously Insipid Misadventures of the Stupidest Stuperfly: Introduction Perhaps introductions are in order...my name is Stuperfly...and, in another dimension and parallel universe I parade by the name of the irreverent Captain Quirk of the Brat Packer’s Delight. Things were going swimmingly aboard the BPD until that fateful day when there was a horrible mix-up with the transporter system due to the fact that McMarty McFly, who initially did not want to join the Doc and the Buddha onboard the BPD, decided at the very last second to join the party as they were about to be transported through time and space to the BPD. It would have been fine except that McFly had armed himself with a huge packet of McDonalds foodstuff and...well, the foodstuff got somehow mixed up with the DNA of the humans and we ended up with a mess that had cosmic implications. I’m not going to introduce the cast and crew of the BPA because you are welcome to read their continuing intrepid misadventures for yourself but I will tell you that the Brat Packers Delight is the state-of-the-art spaceship that just wanders the universes with its passenger list that reads like a who’s who of historical and hysterical individuals. We have had regular discussions with the likes of Karl Marx and the Buddha and for fun the most recent concert was with Elvis Pressley singing duets with Linda Ronstadt, Michael Jackson, Frank Sinatra, Sarah Brightman, Willie Nelson, Eva Cassidy, John Denver, Percy Sledge, Louis Armstrong, Ella Fitzgerald, Bill Hayley, Bruce Springsteen and Snoop Dogg or Snoop Lion or Snoopy. You should also know that we have mastered time travel and it was possible for us to visit such historically significant places such as the Edenvale Gardens and converse with Adam and Eve. We had sent our intrepid crew on a mission to understand the fundamentals of time travel with the cast of Back to the Future and, to cut a long story short, the addition of foreign and primitive foodstuff to our craft’s sophisticated transporter system caused the fuse to blow and some of our crew fighting for their lives. What we didn’t know, however, is that the transporter system had malfunctioned so severely that some of the people onboard started developing parallel personalities without them even realising it. I had developed the alternate alter-ego which I had lovingly called the Stuperfly due to the fact that it took on the characteristics of the fly that was stuck in the transporter pod and my own stupidity. I tried to keep this identity a secret from the other crew and, because it was an alternate split-personality, so-to-speak, no one ever noticed or, for that matter, did I notice whether others had developed such personalities as well. As an astute reader you would have realised by now that logic is not a strong requirement onboard the BPD or for the enjoyment of the Incredulously Insipid Misadventures of the Stupidest Stuperfly. My character was instantaneously transported to the planet Earth on exactly the 3rd October 2013 and I landed unceremoniously on a hamburger at a cafeteria at a truckstop on the Durban/ Johannesburg highway where I was mistaken for one of the ordinary flies that seemed to enjoy the taste of everything and anything. I was not like them so I buzzed around for a while and decided that the place wasn’t sophisticated enough for my refined tastes. After consulting the road map that was conveniently displayed outside the toilets I decided that it was a long distance to fly so I hitched a ride on the first truck that was bound for Johannesburg. I could not understand why the truck driver tried to swat me as I just flew around aimlessly trying to find a comfortable place to relax. His matted hair looked spongy and soft enough so I landed there. I don’t think he liked it because he tried to swat me again. I was quicker than him and he hit himself on his greasy head several times before he realised that it might have been a better option to just let me have my way. Now, you may think that truck drivers are unrefined people who just irritate the crap out of you on the highway but, as I learnt on that drive to Johannesburg, they were quite sophisticated people with discerning tastes, a fantastic fund of information about contemporary life in all its complexities and a wonderful sense of humour to boot. So, after my earthly transporter stopped to pick up a stranded female for the purposes of intellectual banter, I decided that his attentions were sufficiently diverted to allow me to relax and actually enjoy the good-natured banter and exchange of witticisms in-between the grunting and groaning about the state of the economy and their combined respect for the man they lovingly called ‘number one’. It was at that point that I decided to find out as much as possible about this ‘number one’. So, if you like, you can follow me as I crisscross this beautiful land and share with you my observations as the proverbial fly-on-the-wall... Tune in for the Incredulously Insipid Misadventures of the Stupidest Stuperfly #1: ‘the curious case number one!’
Posted on: Thu, 03 Oct 2013 12:23:33 +0000
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