Insecurities Its a bummer, Ive felt bummed. When I let my emotions get the best of me, and start feeling really defeated. It sucks. I dont like making these kinds of post, I dont like feeling sad. It sucks because it makes me feel weak and I know its a lie because the feels, its okay. To hide everything and to pretend everything is okay, when theyre not. Thats a lie, its weak and its defeating. Eventually you feel everything at once and tears you apart. Im a huge advocate when you feel something, you need to take some time to feel it. I think this might have been a little overdue. Ive been going through some stuff since September, and some crazy things have happened and its so weird because theyre balanced by so many amazing things happening in my life. But these things that happened kinda threw me for a loop. Lot of strange life lessons that have happened in Austin specificially that you wouldnt encounter maybe anywhere else. Maybe other big cities. Theyre some things about me that I dont want to change, and I think other people might see them as a flaw, or an opportunity to take advantage. I see the best in people, and I believe in them so much if they have an idea or dream, I want to help them see that happen. Like use whatever I can, like my filming abilities and get them closer to where they want to be. But in doing that its never a conditional thing, its never like Im doing this, now you owe me, its more like, Im doing this and Im excited I got to be part of your life even if its for a little bit. One thing I never expect from anyone is to get treated with so much disrespect that Ive been getting from a number of people who I used to think were so close to me. And its been messing me up to be honest, its been effecting me, its been making me really angry, Ive been super bitter and I cant control my emotions which is the worst. Whenever I feel even the slightest bit taken advantage of it triggers those feelings I havent dealt with it. And it makes me turn into this ugly person. I think for the past 2-3 months Ive finally taken time for myself. To just breath take some time off. I know it doesnt seem like it by career choice, but I am extremely introverted, and I get my best thinking done when Im able to have a minute by myself when theres no distractions just me. I need to forgive some people whove hurt me in the past couple of months and I need to let my heart heal. Because Im turning into someone that Im not. Just because there was a few ugly people in my life who took advantage doesnt mean anyone in the world is the same. And I never want to view the world that way ever. You can learn from this, I couldve caught those red flags earlier because there were definitely signs. I dont want to be that kind of person where society changes me, and I lose sight of my heart, what makes me happy, the way I look at people because its easy to get bitter here. Its easy to feel taken advantage of and its easy to get used. Austin is a place where you have all your dreams come true or have everyone tell you about your dreams and then never do anything to help make them happen. A lesson that Ive learned is I have to have life by the horns and make it for myself. An even harder lessoned that Im learning now is that some people are just temporary and you get burned. But there have been amazing people that have replaced the old ones, ones that were not as nice. You just got to move forward, keep elevating myself and surrounding myself with the type of people that are going to encourage me, support me and have similair passions or even challenge me. So, this is where Im at. I never post this kind of stuff, or even post anything about myself at all. And I felt better lately, and I think Im ready to start working again. These are just some of the things Ive been working on lately. I hope you guys enjoy what I post. -Miguel https://youtube/watch?v=kU6oMTLqHqU
Posted on: Sat, 15 Nov 2014 23:22:20 +0000
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