#Insert_41 I couldnt believe what I heard,I saw my uncle earlier on and the Doctors said he will be fine now hes gone! :( The thing with death is that it comes when you least expect it!We were all hopeful and looking forward to uncle Sizwes recovery and now hes gone! No one was ready for such news! But Doctor I dont understand how my brother could just pass away like that,what have you done to him!you told us that he will be Ok,what have you done to my brother!My dad said. I could see how his emotions were getting worse,there are no words on how painful it was to see my dad is such a state,I guess its true when they say death can make a person be fragile in that moment without caring what the people around him thought. Sir please try to understand that we tried all our best to resuscitate your brother,we did all we could but unfortunately it was too late. I am really sorry for your loss the Dr said... Gogo was so distraught,all she could do was cry as she screamed uncle Sizwes name and asked why him! Ive lost the son who has always stayed with me throughout all these years,how will I survive without sizwe?This is not right at all! No parent should bury their child!How will I deal with this,Im not strong enough for this Im really not ready to bury my last born child! She stuttered whilst crying! This experience was overwhelming for me,I couldnt believe that the same person I saw earlier on is gone! Tumelo was sitting in the bench with his head down,his tears were falling down. He didnt utter a single word ever since the Doctor had spoken to us. I suggest that we all go home now and start preparing for the funeral,I will have to inform all the family members about our loss so that we can all be prepared with all the things that are going to happen after this. Mama said.. I could see how strong she was trying to be,she was trying to be strong for all of us. My dad was weakened by the death of his brother,tumelo was still in awe from what he had just heard and there I was looking at the current situation around me not knowing how to react. I was deeply hurt by the news,I didnt know whether to scream or cry,It all came to mind that I will never see Uncle Sizwe again!Yes we did not have a great relationship but I felt that after forgiving him we might have built a very nice uncle and niece relationship!This was really sad. Before you all leave I will need one of you to come with me to identify the body and give all the details that we need to transfer the body to a morgue that the family is comfortable withThe Doctor said. Tumelo and my father went with the Doctor to identify the body. Whilst I was sitting on the bench with my mother and Gogo! I actually relived the moment when I finally spoke to him and told him that I had forgiven him!I could still feel his hand move after I had told him that I had forgiven him,when he started to open his eyes and they were pure white and glowing like a new born babys eyes!it was like he was longing for my forgiveness so that he can peacefully leave this side of the world. It was such a terrible feeling knowing that I wouldve loved to actually know him and have someone I can call a true uncle.... I was still sitting there alone when Tumelo and my Dad came back It really is my brother,sizwe is really gone my dad said! For the first time in my life I saw my Dad shed a tear,his eyes were filled with tears,he cried and let all his sadness out. Uncle Sizwes death really touched my Dad so bad that he just had to let his guard down and cry in front of everyone who was expecting him to be strong and this was really heartbreaking. I think now is the right time for us to go so that we contact other family members and start arranging for the funeral,Ill drive cos I can see that Dad isnt in the right state to drive. Tumelo said. We all stood up,my mother was holding on to Gogo whilst the rest of us followed behind. We got to the car,the silence started again and thats when we drove home. We got home,obviously the atmosphere wasnt nice at all due to the situation. Gogo hasnt said a word ever since we left the hospital and this actually worried my Father. Ma you havent said anything ever since we left the hospital,Are you ok?please talk to me.Dad asked. Are you stupid or what?you know that I just lost a son that I loved and you have the nerve to ask me such a dumb question?I really cant believe you!Gogo said aggressively. I am sorry Ma I l didnt mean to upset you,I think you should go to the bedroom and rest.Dad said. This was just intense for me cos the amount of tension in the room was just too much so I stood up and walked towards the door. Where do you think you are going young man,Youve got a lot of explaining to do. Why is it that after a few hours you saw my son he suddenly dies? What did you do to him Thabang(Gogo said all this to me while screaming and shouting) You killed my Son,You are a killer Thabang and I will never forgive you for that!I guess this was the only way you were gonna get revenge after the whole rape thing!You will pay for what you did I swear on my sons grave!You disgust me Stabane kwena,now get out of my face you murderer Gogo said as she cried. Everyone just looked at Gogo with shock,no one was expecting her to say something so deep and intense! I was appalled by what Gogo had just said to me,How could my own grandmother accuse me of murder,How could she even think that I would kill my own Uncle?The thought that she actually thinks Im capable of murder just sent shivers up my spine. Gogo I really cant believe that you just said that to me,How could you accuse of me of such a horrible thing!I understand that you are hurt but you have no right to accuse me of such a thing.(I started crying at that moment,I really tried to be strong but I couldnt anymore.)I am deeply hurt by what you just said,He was my uncle too and even though we were never close but he was still family!If only you knew that the last thing I said to him was that I forgive him and that he should also forgive himself!We are suppose to be supporting each other as family in this time of grieve but now you are pointing fingers at me?.I said to gogo. After this I broke down and cried so hard as Uncle Sizwes death hit to the core! The awkwardness continued to fill the room,no words were said and there I was crying alone whilst no one cared to console me!Could my family really believe that I killed uncle sizwe? This literally broke my heart but I guess by now I should be used to being treated like this by my family. As tears flowed down my face I walked out of the lounge and went straight to my bedroom. I cried so hard that I could hardly breath,I decided to call the only person who understood me and I know talking to him will make me feel I bit better so I called Kabelo. Hey can we please meet up If you are not busy? I said once he answered his phone. Babe are you ok?You dont sound ok!Im on my way now Kabelo said Ill be fine once I see you,Please dont come in cos its a bit tense here just text me when you are outsideI said Babe you are freaking me out,Whats going on?Im on my way now Ill text you when I get thereHe said and hang up the phone.. Within a few minutes Kabelo sent a text saying he was outside. I gathered myself and wiped off the tears as I didnt want him to see how distraught I am. When I got outside I found him waiting for me at the gate. The moment I saw his face I just became fragile and broke into tears,I could feel that I was breaking down and I needed him to comfort me. Kabelo hugged me tightly without saying a word,it was like he knew what I needed! He let me cry on his shoulder and allowed me to off-load the sadness in me. After a while he looked at me straight in the eyes and said Whatever it is that you are going through it will pass babe and Im here for you,Cry if you have to,scream if you have to just as long you let it all out He said as he hugged me even tighter! I really needed to hear all this,I knew that being around Kabelo would put me at ease,I havent even told him what had happened but hes been supportive and says the right things.... I stepped back and said to him Uncle sizwe passed away this afternoon 2 hours after I saw him and now my Grandmother is saying I killed him! I only went to see him cos he asked to see me and thats when I told him that I forgive him for what he had done to me,Now shes accusing me of killing him!I really cant believe she think such things about me,Im not a murderer. Kabelo looked at me with disbelief,I could sense a weird vibe from him!He let go of my hands and stared at me straight in the eyes. His look was scary,it was like he was doubting me!What If he believed that I killed uncle sizwe??? #Welcome_To_My_Diary
Posted on: Mon, 13 Oct 2014 19:06:12 +0000
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