Interesting statistic: What is the divorce rate in America amongst all marriages? About 50% (DivorceStatistics.org). What is the divorce rate amongst Torah observant Jews? Estimated to be 10%. Rabbi Kalman Packouz writes: Finding a spouse starts with finding someone of good character who has the same goals as you. Two people brought up in a Torah way of life have a similar outlook and goals. They both want to develop themselves spiritually, develop their character, be an integral part of the Torah community, be part of a Jewish people that is a light unto the nations -- and to raise children with these same values. With this essential foundation, the choice of a spouse is based on compatibility, respect and attraction. Marriage is seen as a holy bond between two people with a spiritual mission -- a vehicle for happiness based on meaning and accomplishment in building a Torah home and raising children who will observe the Torah and be imbued with love of God and doing the right thing -- fulfilling the mitzvot, the Almightys commandments. What about love? I share with you the following thoughts from Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski, MD from Twerski on Chumash: Western civilization is awash in love. The media bombards us with love via every possible modality: verbal, graphic and lyrical. Is it not strange that with all the emphasis on love, the divorce rate is an alarming 50 percent? What passes for love in western civilization is either blind passion, or at best, self-love. Neither of these are a basis for an enduring relationship. Passion dissipates fairly soon and self-love may be rather easily frustrated. The dynamics of a couple falling in love is something like this: The young man sees in this young woman a person who he feels can satisfy his emotional needs, and she sees in this young man someone who can satisfy her emotional needs. This would seem to be the ideal basis for a lasting relationship. But note: the young man is motivated primarily by his personal interest, and the young woman is motivated primarily by her personal interest. Although they profess love for each other, the reality is that they each love themselves, and the other is but someone whom they expect will please them. Should anything occur -- the other partner is not pleasing them as expected, or if they meet someone who they think can better please them -- the relationship is at risk of falling apart.
Posted on: Wed, 19 Nov 2014 22:26:15 +0000