Is it possible that Amina and myself are in an unhealthy relationship? I notice that I am most happy when she calls, and I am starting to think that she feels the same way too. I tell Amina that I would never tell her I Love you, because the word, Love, has been bastardized. I tell her that the day I finally say those words, I would instead say: Amina I care about you in ways that my words cannot express, what is love but to care for someone. My baby sister says there is chewing gum inside her lollipop. She says her lollipop is pregnant. We are talking about pregnancy with Aunty Shebi Shebi and Step-Mother. Walix is talking about a pregnancy show we watched on TLC. The woman said she had a natural birth plan for her labour. She said she did not want epidural. Come and see now, when the pain started to kick-in ehn-- She begged for the epidural abi? Step-Mother asks. Sharply sef, Walix replies. I remember when I was giving birth to your baby sister. Come and see me shouting: I want to shit o! Yeyeyeyeyeye, Doctor, I want to shit. The Doctor said I should shit now. I said but Doctor I would make a mess, I would make a mess, I would make a mess, Yeeyeyeyeyyeyye. The baby would come out inside the shit, she says. Come and see how my sister was laughing at me inside the labour room. During her turn you need to have seen how she was now crying: Yeyeyeyeye, Doctor take this THING out of me. I cant take THIS anymore. Epidural o, epidural. Take IT out, NOW. Aunty Shebi Shebi is quiet. I think that she is feeling sad. She is smiling a sad smile. Then it hits me- She doesnt have a baby, she hasnt been able to conceive. It is the fibroid. The fibroid. Amina calls me today. She says that she is sorry about my Grandmothers passing. She is asking me how I am doing. I tell her I dont know. Amina, I dont know. I feel like I dont know what to feel, I say. How do you mean? She asks. See, I dont want you to see me like a sociopath, but I think the thing about growing up in a broken home is it leaves your emotions divided. You are never really able to form a bond, or grow attached to anyone, because your family is split. You shuttle between your Fathers house and your Mothers house. Your fathers relatives stop coming to your Mothers house, and your Mothers relatives stop coming to your Fathers house. So you can never really find the time to form that close bond, Wait, let me see if I understand you. You are in shock over your grandmothers death. Youre not quite sure how to feel about it because you feel like you didnt get enough time to be with her, to know her, and you feel like if youre to start crying now it would be like lying to yourself about an emotion that was never truly there, she says. Something like that. But whenever I see her picture on my phone. It makes me cry because she was always calling me. She really wanted to get to know me, I say. Empathy. Learning to get with the death program. Everyone has to die someday. Is it something we need to get used to? Amina, why do people have to die? Death doesnt make sense. What use does it add to existence? I ask. See, Kelvin. I know its hard right now, and I am sorry. These things happen. Is it not better for a child to bury the parent than for the parent to bury the child? I think with every death there is a deeper appreciation of life, she says. True, I say. Do you know the last time I went for a burial in the village they hired some women to come and mourn? They paid them o. Come and see how they were wailing, and throwing themselves in the mud near the pit where the casket was to be buried, I say, Amina is laughing. Kai, villagers ehn, she says. Amina, Im coming. Let me put my phone on speaker, What do you want to do? I want to change my clothes, I put the phone on speaker. Amina, Im removing my boxers now, I say. Why are you telling me youre removing your boxers? Amina, Im removing my singlet now. Are you imagining me naked? I ask. Kelvin, I just think youre trying to runaway from your grief. So, youre doing all these things as a form of distraction, she says. Michael Ogah.
Posted on: Mon, 08 Dec 2014 12:43:22 +0000
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