Is there a loving way to tell an ex that you do not want contact with him/her? Q #907: Recently I ended my relationship with my boyfriend based upon his lying about his drug addiction problem for the third time. Now he says he would like to make contact again. I love him as my brother in this world and I honor the lessons he showed me; I learned some very valuable things; but is it still loving and forgiving to not want any physical, verbal, or electronic contact with him, since I know he still has his drug addiction problem and I know it is his way of calling for love? In my mind I honor him for who he is and still practice seeing him and myself as a holy innocent child of God every time my ego seeks some kind of justification or revenge. What is the best and highest and most loving way to say that I do not want any contact? I just want to do what is best for the both of us; and is it true that sometimes the most loving thing to do is to just end it all and walk away and say no? A: There is nothing in A Course in Miracles , as you know, that would tell you what you should do behaviorally -- to stay or to leave. Its focus is always on the content: whether your thinking reflects the egos principles or the Holy Spirits principles. One principle that is frequently misapplied -- with sometimes tragic results -- is the idea that a person is either expressing love or calling for love. While it is true that destructive behavior is a ultimately a call for love, nothing automatically follows from that in terms of behavior. For instance, just because a pedophile is “calling for love,” does not mean that you allow him to take care of your children if he asks you to. But you can say “no” without separating yourself from him on the level of content -- you can realize that you both are calling for love and are joined in that respect. Dont confuse form with content. From that place of non-judgment you will know what to say. This is essentially how Jesus replied to Helens questioning him about what she should say to people; he said to her, “ask instead, ‘Help me to see this brother through the eyes of truth and not of judgment” ( Absence from Felicity , p. 381). Staying in the relationship thus can be a right-minded decision, just as leaving the relationship can be a right-minded decision. Your seeing this man as a “holy innocent child of God” is independent of the form of the relationship; and, again, from within your quiet center, the Holy Spirit will gently guide you to the most loving response in form. facimoutreach.org/qa/questions/questions181.htm#Q907
Posted on: Wed, 30 Jul 2014 12:32:28 +0000
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