It is a very common, ancient, well-perfected device for trying to feel better. Blame others... Blaming is a way to protect your heart, trying to protect what is soft and open and tender in yourself. Rather than own that pain, we scramble to find some comfortable ground. ~ Pema Chödrön BLAME In our weakest moments or when were operating out of the worst parts of ourselves, we have a tendency to blame our partners for our every discontent. When we fault someone else out of our own anger, were doing our best not to confront ourselves. To avoid getting pulled in to this process, take a look at your complaints, and then turn them back around on yourself. Take stock of your own short-comings and start to focus on what you can do differently to change aspects of your relationship that make you unhappy. If there are issues in your relationship that you need to talk about with your partner, but s/he refuses to talk about them or remains unwilling to accept any responsibility for these difficulties, simply take note of that. Ask yourself, What part of the problem belongs to me, and what part depends on him/her? Remember that, ultimately, the relationship game is about you making yourself okay. DAILY HEALTH ACTS Try for one day to take responsibility for all that happens in your emotional life. If someone cuts you off in traffic, or doesnt say hello, or fails to deliver on a promised action-just for one day, explore staying out of the blame game. Instead tell yourself, I am the only one responsible for my reactions. What happens if you just smile despite disappointments, and let everyone off the hook-including you? Were all doing the best we can with what weve got, and perhaps if we all receive love and kindness instead of shaming and guilt-tripping, we might do better.
Posted on: Sat, 09 Nov 2013 14:57:19 +0000
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