It occurred to me today that my side of my relationship with God is much like my relationship with my gmail account... When i first set up my email, I realized how incredibly necessary to my life it would be. It would be a daily asset through which I could hear from others as well as keep up with and organize my own thoughts and priorities. It has much greater memory and organizational skills than I, and if I dont take its features for granted, it can really help me to daily untangle and de-stress all types of business and personal issues. But unfortunately, because of my taking it for granted, instead of daily utilizing its ability to help me untangle the business of my life, I forget about it, and let my busyness re-tangle my relationship to it. Instead taking the few minutes each day to manage it well, I let all of my emails, from others and from myself, get backed up and lost amidst all of the junk that I dont need or want, and I only go back to it every couple of days for a few seconds to skim through the top few emails when there is something particular that know I need. Then after all my business is in a mess, and I eventually have a day off, I go and spend the whole day rummaging through all of the emails, unloading trash into the trash can, finding and remembering the things I intended to keep up with every day. I spend hours reorganizing everything so that I can try again to utilize its well-designed systems to make life make more sense. And I always think wow, why dont I keep this up every day?? How greatly it would help! Now God obviously is a person with feelings, desires, and his own intentions for our lives... but down deep, we know this, and, at least in my experience, I dont feel untangled until Im living in his purpose. And thank God, he actually always handles my business without my help... He remembers what I forget... He has clearly been my perfectly organized accountant, and, usually unbeknownst to be (until after the fact), He is continuously bailing me out at the last minute, until I can hopefully eventually learn to grow up in his likeness enough to learn how to take care of at least some of these things myself. But when it comes to my own mental and emotional issues that I would so greatly benefit from staying totally current with him about (and everyone around me would greatly benefit from me doing this as well), I tend to just suppress and suppress, attempting to push through the busyness as if I were a machine, having no understanding of the tole that this daily emotional mix of past and present heart issues- from being a flawed person living in flawed world- takes on my behavior, and on the fruit borne from my daily life. Eventually, when I finally make the time, I have to spend a whole day or more with God, sometimes silently, while he slowly brings up all of the things, big and small, that Ive needed to lay at his feet, for so long. And all I can think after so much time in his presence, is- I need him more, and more, and more...And that I cant believe I was living without this intimate time with him every day for the past few weeks. But much like the full day of rummaging through the emails in my gmail account; I dont remember its great value until I give it the time it deserves; paying attention to its helpful features, and taking time to utilize what I had forgotten was there to help make life better. God is patient. He doesnt force his priceless ability to daily help me through everything in life... Though life sometimes forces us back to him... But he gently waits for us to come to him, letting us unload our garbage, as he gives us beauty for ashes, like no one else can do. He knows better than I do, that I need this time with him EVERY day; But waits for me to come to him, giving me little signals that hes there and fully aware of my situation, from time to time. Its his kindness that leads me to repentance, and brings me back again and again, no matter how far off I wander.
Posted on: Thu, 20 Mar 2014 11:11:47 +0000
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