Its 4 in the morning and my mind is full of thoughts ... good, bad and indifferent... Some will matter, others will be ignored like always ... but hey, part of that DILLIGAF mindset I must embrace if a person wants to survive the rat race of life.... So here we go: -The Good: -Going to dedicate finding things to do other than bars and nightclubs. Not because of the fault of the bar or the staff, but because if Im not drinking, why am I attending. -Going to try to learn a new hobby, maybe a trade so that I can be far more self-dependent than before. And maybe a trade that is too profitable and will make me happy. -Going to start cutting those out who are part-time friends, because I dont need those who only show out or up when it benefits them. I may be not so innocent myself, but thats part of improving oneself, its to see their flaws without someone else accentuating it for you. -Im not smarter than anyone, but neither are you (all encompassing) .... ones fact is anothers opinion, ones belief may be a unpopular one, but there is testimony and experience to know who ends up being a cancer in the end, and not one you want growing on your mind as a grudge or desire to pervert/perpetuate/or lie internally that its good for everyone involved. So in other words, sometimes my words may not be so nice, but unfortunately I speak my mind too often. -After today, the only heart I wear on my sleeve is my daughters. My closest friends and family rank right behind that, but beyond that ... closing myself may be what I need. For a guy with depression, its not so smart, but if it makes some things much better in a twist, all for it. -The Bad: -Some people are going to read this, and think this as an attack on them. Its not, but its not always convienent to be someones last option text message or last option hangout .... same goes when involving my daughter. Im just thinking of all-around preservation. -Losing friends is a way of life, and as much as I value each one, the real ones stand by how you feel, even if how you feel isnt popular, positive, or even nice at times. So soon enough, if this leaves me with 1 or 100 ... or even the amount of FB friends I have now, then maybe they understand why I think and feel the way I do. -A wise female friend on here stated something months ago which precipitated the new Chris. A manager at a local restaurant, and if she reads this, shell know exactly what this refers. I cant go assigning blame because the first person to blame for anything that fails, goes wrong, or falls short of the intention/objective is the person within aka me. Maybe thats a broad prospect of thought, and the practice or application is slightly abnormal for me in the past because I didnt see outside the rose colored glasses of the time, but now that things are 3 colors (black, white, and gray), being ignorant of your surroundings is no longer an acceptable excuse. -Last Thoughts: -Im gonna try to limit FB to pictures, random and more pleasant statuses, and maybe a LOT less sports/military/political posts ... as to the fact that Im uncertain if Ill keep my FB, IG, Twitter and just live a more tech free life. -Hopefully I will further positive relationships with those who really want to stick around and deal with my craziness. And hope for the best those, who feel the need to shed me from their life. Part of that DILLIGAF/No Heart on Sleeve mindset. No bless your heart because to instantly ignore or be ignorant of the good times you had, makes you less a person because its those times good or bad that builds or repairs character as well your soul. Lastly, Im sorry for what will either look like a 2 page report or short essay on the thoughts of my mind currently, just figured this may be an outlet, and sometime I can transfer into a note later as a reminder. But hey, sometimes writing things here is like therapy, and the kind that works because you dont need a ear to hear, or a voice for them to listen to, but just an open forum to put what might be running through and around in my head out. I dont expect comments, probably gonna get a few rude ones, maybe a few positive .... a few remove from newsfeed, but that happens enough this time of year due to current athletic seasons and events ... lol. So Im gonna try to sleep and hopefully start and make tomorrow Day 1 of the rest of my life.... Make my wants and goals happen, even if its not a giant leap for everyone, but a small step for myself and my lil one included. Night yall!
Posted on: Sat, 02 Nov 2013 09:40:28 +0000
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