Its Friday time – Some demand! - Blondes again.... Blonde calendar January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels .....duh.....bottles wont fit in typewriter!!! March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said 2-4 years! April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!! May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water wont fit into those little packets!!! June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldnt find a lake with a slope. July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down. September - The capital of California is C.....isnt it??? October - Hate M & Ms.....they are so hard to peel. November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!! December - Couldnt call 911.....duh.....theres no eleven button on the phone !!! What a year!! ______________________________________________________ Blonde Trivia Why cant a blonde dial 911? She cant find the eleven. Why did the blonde become a big basketball fan? Because every time they stopped the clock, she thought she stopped aging. Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? From crawling across the street when the sign said, DONT WALK. Blonde: What does IDK stand for? Brunette: I don’t know. Blonde: OMG, nobody does! Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? She was throwing all the Ws away. What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? Oh look, donut seeds! ____________________________________________________________ Youve got Blonde A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, Is something wrong? To which she replied, There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, Youve got mail! ______________________________________________________ Overweight A blonde is overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet . I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, youll have lost at least five pounds. When the blonde returns, shes lost nearly 20 pounds. Why, thats amazing! the doctor says. Did you follow my instructions? The blonde nods. Ill tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day. From hunger, you mean? said the doctor. No, from skipping, replied the blonde. ___________________________________________________ Flight School A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. Im doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and Im starting to get the hang of this. After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadnt radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said, I dont know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. ___________________________________ .... But to cap these, the ones I published a few Fridays ago... A blonde reports for her university final exam which consists of mainly true and false questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out. Removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet: true for heads and false for tails. Within thirty minutes she is all done, whereas the rest of the class is still working furiously. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is happening. . . . I finished the exam in a half hour, she replies. Now Im rechecking my answers.
Posted on: Fri, 22 Nov 2013 01:27:46 +0000