Its always nice to wake up pain free, wait, I dont have that luxury. I wish I was superman and could just fly right out of bed whenever I want. To see my son whenever I want, to work 60 hours a week and be able to do all the stuff I was able to do, now I just lay here in misery trying to keep up the persona like nothing bothers me, that the pain and the stress and everything else is just so easy to deal with, to be honest, I really cant take much more of this, Im being tortured, I jumped thru hoops for doctors for what more therapy that wont work. And for almost a year Ive been on the same pain killer there is and it does not work and Ive told my dr. Many times before that it doesnt work, but yet he wont give me anything stronger, 8 spinal injections 6 of them at the same time and nothing, not a shed of relief so what I normally do is push thru the pain for the most part just to do every day things like standing, walking, sitting down, driving , sitting in a car, I usually just chalk it up and put a fake smile on my face and act like it doesnt phase me, well whats the point when all the pain does is get worse. And some people dont get it, the mental strain it has. And the insomnia, I sleep 3 to 4 hours a night and if I sleep for longer It feels as if I havent slept at all, its draining me and Im too young to feel like this and I dont know what Im going to do anymore, I try talking to people about it but sometimes it feels that no one listens or that they have better things to do or that they just dont care anymore . But I welcome anyone who doesnt know what its like to live a day in my shoes, if you can put your shoes on, a day to where your body feels as if its on fire, pain so bad it gives you a headache , the fact that you cant work or if you even think about working how would it go, would you work for an hour a day or just on the days that your at your best, Ill tell you there are shorter and shorter days that I have that I have that are good, and keep in mind all that while your ex wife is keeping your child away from you all because of I owe child support, which by law she cant keep him from me regardless if I pay or not and the fact that she knows my situation but refuses to accept it. But its all good because Im just a nobody and nobody will read this anyways.
Posted on: Sun, 10 Nov 2013 16:28:25 +0000
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