Its funny sometimes when I look back. By now we would have been engaged or something like that. Closer than close, and inseperable. Maybe I wasnt mature enough at the time when I made that promise, perhaps I lied even, but deep down inside I probably meant it. In the beginning it was all fun and play. Turned out the game was more serious than I could wager. Who would of known the choices I made would still be able to communicate with me to this day. I mean, I must be some kind of special, my choice that is, I pick out real winners. Out of all the thousands of people that read your posts, what are the odds they are meant for one person. Just nobody realizes it. Or, am I being delusional. Nah, its real though. Actualy real though. Its like youre on wavelength. Predicting what Im going to post about. Spirtually concerned if your message will reach me. And it does, over and over again. I play the same game. Nobody knows who Im talking about do they? The mystery, the fun of FB. Only a select few. People that know that we like each other. Initally I started the game. I play it best. Always been into games and puzzles, quizes and trivia, as long as it isnt boring. Like traffic school, yuuuccckk. Nah, its weird how concepts develop within my mind without reading or studying anything. Like figuring things out an resolving them. I figure youre tired of waiting for me to come around. All it would take is one little message describing everything I feel. But, youre mind is quite defensive. Turning what I do and say into a negative. A tamas trait I guess. But, you also can turn a negative into a positive, and in reality, when you have so many negatives in your life, you spend four years trying to solve them, not knowing there was someone there for you to help you. It isnt easy going alone, but you try while others simply watch. The simple plan, wife, kids, family. But with whom? Arranged mariage, e-harmony, an old friend, or somebody you hardly know. Date for a while, see how it goes, break-up, well still remain friends in case that lonely feeling approaches. To move forward, to let go of the past...I can hardly remember what I did the day before yesterday without really thinking about it. Life moves at an instant. So fast, one second your winning karate tournaments, the next youre pretending to lose to somebody you like. The only two things I figure that can keep you going is love or work. All I really have is work. Since I didnt propose or finish my promise, all I want is work. Love...well it used to bother me. Like where can she be? I hope she is okay? How do I reach out to her? You know, put her on the team. But now, it really doesnt bother me anymore. You can be with who you want to be with. Its not like I can stop you anyways... As for me, well I have plans that never end. But I remember in the beginning, six flags, LA, trips to museums, and generally places I wanted to take you, but that list is gone. As if Im gone. Sometimes I look back like wtf am I writing at times? And does it make any sense to the people that read it. And Im like, it isnt suppose to. It isnt meant for them. So thats why a lot of things do not bother me. Because I can care less what kind of income people make, Ive had two different people tell me about what kind of car they drive, a pushy sales rep that has nothing better to do besides being a total douche bag, and reps that are getting tired of me. And I meet new reps all the time. So that never ends. But Im earning my points and badges. You know how long it took to get me here? How much sacrifice in this land of equal opportunity. Well, its not always equal. Especially when someone is given the okay by the same people telling me no. Do you know how it feels to be raised around biased people. Biased against my skin tone, religion, last name, even people generally from the same background. Backward thinkers. I excel, I achieve, I use that exhaust and I thrive. My teachers taught me well. When they try pushing you down, you kick back and try harder. English teachers with phrases and English names, taught me so well. They prepared me for what will come ahead. I dont like to fight, but I dont run from one. My combat skills are pretty good. Sorry if I ever offended with you with my words or writings. Be cool, be legit, be you. I have a journey tomorrow that I have to concentrate on. Many stops, and many plans within this one day in time. Ill keep you posted. Wish you were here with me, maybe tomorrow will be different. Dont ever change even if the world tells you to. J R
Posted on: Thu, 07 Aug 2014 06:34:32 +0000
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