Its my first day writing still not sure what to write they said write what Im feeling but how do I do that when half the time Idk what Im feeling.my thoughts and feelings have been chaos here lately(ugh) right now things are going good for me but Im always looking over my shoulder waiting for them to go wrong again it seems like the harder I try to do right by my kids and give them a good life the more I get pushed down it feels like Im drowning and being held under cant wait for the day I can break free and breathe seems here lately the ppl I was closest to and thought were my friends arnt how do u learn to trust anyone when u have been burned so bad u still feel the pain and hurt from it.how do u trust in a untrusting world! Who do turn to when the ppl you have been there for turn their backs on you I feel like Im alone Im suppose to be the rock for my kids the strong one the one that NVR gives up or NVR gives in I wonder if they see how weak I really am there are times I wish I had someone to lean on but I cant take the chance of letting anyone that close to me there are times I feel like Im on the edge looking down if I jump would it be better or worse how do you believe in yourself when you have ppl telling you down everyday u hear their whispers see thr looks feel thr scorn I push the feelings aside and turn my heart to ice cause Im not suppose to break Im the rock but at night when the world is quiet all those feelings come rushing back demanding attn so tell me how do you hide from yourself how do you silence thoughts that are all screaming for attn how do you bury your past when it haunts you how do you forget the hits and words that have cut you like a knife how do you hide your scars when they feel exposed like a raw nerve how do you keep from going crazy when the world is chaos how do you stand and fight when your broken in a million lil pieces where do find the strength when it hurts to move but you know you have to cause thr is no one to turn to whose shoulder do you cry on when your all alone when did I lose who I am all these these questions and no answers if I scream would anyone hear me or am I as really alone as I feel would ppl notice if i was gone would they even care and how would I be remembered as the strong one that did all she could or as the weak one that didnt do enough?
Posted on: Sat, 16 Nov 2013 20:12:13 +0000
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