It’s been almost five months down to the hour since I lost you.. havent been able to stop staring at the clock all morning. I’m still not quite myself. I like when it rains outside because then I don’t have to go out. I have to force myself to get out and actually do things because I would rather not be around anyone anymore and just stay home.. but honestly It’s those sunny Sundays I fear which make it so unfair. Sundays were our days.. but I just had to go to work that day and I will never forgive myself for that.. I wish I could take it all back.. I think of the perfect times when it was just you and me and our girls going out in town, grocery shopping and then picking up a redbox and Chinese food.. it was our thing for Sunday. Now Sundays have become my pain of miserable irony.. I punish myself with guilt for all the things I couldnt do. I held your head, and I desperately tried to help you. I was panicked and in shock. I didnt know what to do.. I kept telling myself this isnt real.. this didnt just happen.. hes still alive we can help him.. I didnt want to believe it.. but It was your eyes that said to me I had to let you go... it haunts me everyday.. Those moments will forever be burnt into my memory and the images Im sure will never fade.. I never thought in a million years this would be our life. Most of the time it still feels as if it is just a bad dream and sooner or later Im gunna receive a phone call from you telling me you are okay and your still here.. I honestly dont ever think itll get any easier. Its only gotten slightly easier to try and live with.. but Im guessing that comes with acceptance, which is still something I havent quite mastered yet.. the only thing that really helps me is knowing you are safe and okay and at peace in heaven.. which is all I can hope for for you now.. please continue watching over your girls baby, we love and miss you more than anything.. RIP love ♥
Posted on: Thu, 05 Jun 2014 16:06:02 +0000
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