Ive been off Facebook for a minute and the truth is I was time traveling! Im not supposed to reveal the startling truths I discovered about the future but the apes use social media to enslave us anyway, so here goes. Yes, in 60 years old women will take selfies. The fitness trend comes to a screeching halt when Australia falls in love with personality. All Apple products merge into one device, but it buys you and if youre not able to change just a little bit every 30 days it will replace you with a newer model (iMaster knows every shitty thing you called Siri). The FDA finds a way to certify processed foods and trans fats as organic so it costs $47 for a single HotPocket (middles are still frozen). Facebook issues a monthly fee to have a profile and overnight Facebook becomes the MySpace to LookPage then LookPage becomes the Facebook to GlanceFeed but GlanceFeed quickly becomes the LookPage to PeakWall, and Google+ still goes nowhere. Jay Z continues to branch out when he goes broadway and Produces Annie, casting Kanye as the egocentric orphan girl who wears a coat made of Orca flesh. Shia Labeouf, Zac Efron and Jeff Dunham win Oscars and Leo Dicaprio commits suicide. And finally Canada wins the war and America is renamed the United States of It Looks Like You Can Make Too Many Maple Syrup Jokes, or as we call it good old USILLYCMTMMSJ.
Posted on: Sun, 06 Apr 2014 07:34:10 +0000
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