Ive been pretty busy lately, but I wanted to take some time out to reflect on what I have come to learn and realize through out my recovery process. 1. Life is unfair sometimes. Im not always going to be treated the way I should be, bad things are going to happen even though I may not deserve it, Im often going to be left without answers, and Im going to lose people I love and care about. This is all just a part of life, a terrible part that I need to start coming to terms with. I need to spend more time accepting that and less time internalizing it, blaming myself and interpreting it as a form of punishment. 2. Not everyone I meet is going to like me and thats okay. As long as Im genuine and true to myself, I will attract the people that are meant to be in my life. 3. I am not in control of everything. As terrifying as this is to admit, I logically know that it is the truth. As much as I can try to control things, unexpected things will happen. What I can control is how I choose to handle those situations. Sometimes the unexpected turns out to be greater than what we could have ever planned. 4. There is no shame in asking for help/support. There is no shame in admitting that you cant do it alone. During my first two months of treatment, I refused to admit either of those things to my peers, staff, or my treatment team. I would go through the motions of the day, very mechanically, avoiding having to open up and be vulnerable. But I realized by doing that I was just cheating myself and not benefitting from what the program had to offer. It was very difficult to start letting people in, i did it one person at a time, and with every person it got a little easier. Before I knew I was talking to everyone, giving and receiving support. Now, I cant imagine making it through treatment without those friendships. Whatever youre struggling with, you may be able to handle on your own, but lets be honest, that shit gets heavy after awhile! Letting someone else help you carry it does not make you a weaker person. It makes you stronger than your struggles, for they thrive through isolation. 5. Secrets keep you sick. If I had a dime for every time I heard this during my treatment stay...but it is very true. Its hard to talk about certain struggles, urges, and behaviors we might be having because most generally we feel too ashamed and embarrassed, but by putting a voice to them, we are actually reducing the shame and bringing awareness to what is going on for us internally. Being honest not only to ourselves but to others is also a way of holding ourselves accountable. 6. I am capable. Ive endured this discomfort before and survived it, and so I can survive it today. Ive felt these feelings before and sat with them, and so I can sit with them today. Ive felt like giving in before and held onto hope, and so I can continue to hold on today. I made it through yesterday, and so I can also make it through today. I can do it. I will do it. I am doing it. I am strong and I am capable. I will not give up. 7. I am not my eating disorder, my depression, my anxiety, or my BPD. I am Ashley and these just my struggles.
Posted on: Fri, 07 Nov 2014 02:34:46 +0000
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