Ive learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake. Id just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said Ive not eaten for two days. I told him, I wish I had your will power. A fat girl served me in McDonalds at lunchtime. She said sorry about the wait. I said, Dont worry, youll find a way to lose it eventually. Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, fat chance, with a face like that! Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, Ive found that a bacon sandwich works best! Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed. I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the lastquestion which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the curliest hair? Fiji was the correct answer...hell, how did I know they wanted the name of a country? Ive learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.
Posted on: Fri, 22 Nov 2013 20:31:08 +0000
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