I’m fat. In this moment and in this space, I am fat. I’m not - TopicsExpress

I’m fat. In this moment and in this space, I am fat. I’m not writing that to get some sort of band of brothers to rally behind me and boost my ego. I became fat on purpose. I didn’t know it at the time, but I do now. I fattened myself up like someone fattens up a pig heading to slaughter. I fattened up because of the noise, the buzz, the hum. You see, because if I put some distance between myself and the noise, I can’t hear it as well. Like the earplugs I wear at night to quiet the sound of my husband’s snoring, the fat quiets the sound. Being fat makes me braver because all I have to focus on for the time being is how my clothes don’t fit and how my belly gets in the way of bending over and how my arms won’t squeeze into my sweaters and how I live in elastic-waisted pants. I can self-hate all day because of the external manifestation of the internal noise. The fat creates a barrier that protects me so I don’t have to hear the constant hum. *Martha M. Barantovich in a powerful piece once again on The Manifest-Station. WOW.

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