I’ve been told that if I hear it I won’t realize how crazy I am I can’t get rid of it no matter how hard I try God damn Keeps on telling me what and how I screwed up like it’s only my fault I forget a lot of the things but these memories are kept like in a vault They come back each time when I’m starting to feel a bit better Guess what? I even wrote for you all a detailed and long letter Hope that it will give you all the answers you will want as I disappear The river is so quiet although I’m on top of the bridge yet water’s near “Jump! What are you waiting for? Nobody will miss you we both know it” It’s not a movie, no hero will try to save me, won’t even know I lost it As a climb up preparing to jump a thin voice I hear: it screams daddy I jump down falling on my knees, start to cry even though it’s not my baby She starts running towards me fast but as she gets closer she starts to realize Turns back to her mother, grabs her leg strong she can’t believe her eyes She stood speechless as we looked at each other as tears were falling down Couldn’t say a word so I’m heading back in the empty and dirty town Still in my head I can hear the opportunities as he controls my eyes to look So much guilt in me gathered up as if I was the world’s most horrible crook Seems like I’m walking for hours as time is passing really slowly I guess that’s the case only with people like me, the ones who are lonely Need to sit down because I’m exhausted so I take a deep breath I know it’s not right what I’m doing so why do I have this desire for death For the moment the voice is gone and I’m almost in my room again So empty I can’t feel hunger, thirst, happiness, sorrow or pain Put my head down and close my eyes and think what should I do? Nobody is here for me and with my problems I don’t want to bother you Don’t want you to be sad because of what I am nor my stupid mind I’d like to reach out, hug you tight so I would no longer be blind Please forgive me for not talking to you tonight, this way it’s better I’ll tell you later what happened but first I’ll burn the letter Good night and sweet dreams, don’t be mad, try to understand Trust me I got things under control, not letting go of your hand.
Posted on: Sun, 23 Jun 2013 11:32:45 +0000
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