James Piotrowski, Quint Martin, and I died and went to heaven. (Yes, not hell - just suspend your disbelief or the joke wont work. Hear me out). When we got there, we were immediately greeted by Saint Peter. Hello good sirs, and welcome to the Kingdom of God. In heaven we have but one rule: Do not step on a duck. Im sorry. Can you repeat that? questioned James (hes always questioning everything, you know). Saint Peter explained: Over the years, many misconceptions about heaven have arose. Yes, its a very nice place. No, its not perfect, but its close. You see the only problem we have are the ducks. If you step on a duck it will begin to quack, and then all the other ducks will begin to quack, and its simply a nuisance for us all. We all looked at each other, shrugged, and entered heaven. And just like St. Peter said, as far as the eye could see, there were ducks everywhere. Alas, as everyone knows, I am kind of clumsy, and almost immediately, I accidentally stepped on a duck. Just as predicted, the duck began to quack, and then the ducks around him began quacking, until there was a veritable audible tidal wave of quacks. Soon after the quacks had passed, Saint Peter approached us with a truly hideous hag of a woman in tow. I mean, really an awful looking lady. Without a word, he shackled the hag to me to punish me for stepping on the duck, and he left. After that, James and Quint were careful not to step on a duck. But although they tried their best, James got distracted one day (probably sidetracked while lecturing someone about the National Labor Relations Act), and he eventually stepped on a duck. The same phenomenon as before arose, with the tidal wave of quacking ducks, and sure enough, Saint Peter arrived again with a shockingly hideous, horrible hag of a woman who was even uglier than the last. He shackled the woman to James and left. Having seen all this go down, Quint became exceedingly meticulous about watching his step. He spent many days and nights successfully stepping around the ducks. After a while, Saint Peter approached with a beautiful woman. He shackled the woman to Quint and left without a word. Quint was so delighted and overjoyed that he audibly said to himself, What did I do to deserve this? The woman replied, I dont know, but I stepped on a duck.
Posted on: Sat, 02 Nov 2013 23:35:29 +0000
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