Jo-Ann Rogalinski asked me where i am currently working...its funny how a simple question can make feelings come flooding back...i have an exceptional feeling of loss from CFCs demise...they were my Glory Days...i NEVER fit in ANYWHERE like i did at CFC...except for a short stint at MasterCard in St. Louis, i was never able to recapture the success i attained at CFC...as i look back, i have to thank Tammy Flener Underwood for helping me through dark days while there...since i have not been Friends with you guys on FB, you never saw a post i put on here, so here it is: The fact of the matter is i suffer from a Depression that is chemical...this is the most Public i have ever been about my ongoing battle with Depression...i was not diagnosed until my mid-30s...i always knew i felt bad, but always thought it was just life and that everyone felt as bad as me...then, one day in 1995, i just broke down...this started a now twenty year downward spiral, where i have done MANY things i am not proud of...i went into therapy, but to know avail...i have been on EVERY medication out there, and so many different therapists i have lost count...Columbia University in NYC even extended an invitation for me to participate in an experimental treatment - an alternative to Electroshock - but, i would have had to move to NYC to participate...so, without a place to stay and no income i had to turn down the offer...my oldest friends can remember a time when i had it pretty much together - good job, house, company car, climbing the ladder...but, since 1994 i have not been able to hold a job for any significant length of time...being Depressed is exhausting...you put on your happy face so you dont have to explain how you REALLY feel...but, then you get to the point where its easier to avoid people than to put on a happy face...i am the antithesis of most people...most people, once in a while, have a bad day or week...i on the other hand, once in a while, have a good day, or at best, a couple...then, when i am back to my normal people will ask What happened? You seem down....its like they see me up for a bit and think everything is ok, and that something, some external stimuli caused me to revert back...no, its simply chemical...there is NO RHYME OR REASON as to why i occasionally have a good day...now, i know i am setting myself up for those thinking i am posting this so people will say Oh look, Jack wants people to feel sorry for him. - NOTHING could be further from the truth...the reason i am posting this is MY small attempt to start removing the stigma of Depression, and maybe pave the way for others to come out of the closet so to speak - LOL, i kind of feel like i am doing this for a second time(SEE, i still want to make people laugh)...in a strange way this is very cathartic for me to post this personal information...in conclusion, please dont feel awkward the next time we see each other...a simple Hows it going? will suffice...i will most likely respond with a typical Hangn in there....once again, i appreciate EVERYTHING my friends and family have done for me over the years - i dont know WHERE i would be without them!!!
Posted on: Sun, 23 Nov 2014 03:44:27 +0000
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