Jokes for the wearin o the Green! Only the Irish have Jokes Like These Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, Looking like hed just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, His face is cut and bruised and hes walking with a limp What happened to you? asks Sean, the bartender. Jamie OConner and me had a fight, says Paddy. That little twit, OConner, says Sean, He couldnt do that to you, He must have had something in his hand. That he did, says Paddy, a shovel is what he had, And a terrible lickin he gave me with it. Well, says Sean, you should have defended yourself, Didnt you have something in your hand? That I did, said Paddy. Mrs. OConners breast, and a thing of Beauty it was, but useless in a fight. An Irishman who had a little too much to drink Is driving home from the city one night and, Of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. So, says the cop to the driver, Where have ya been? Why, Ive been to the pub of course, Slurs the drunk. Well, says the cop, it looks like youve had quite A few to drink this evening. I did all right, the drunk says with a smile. Did you know, says the cop, standing straight and Folding his arms across his chest, that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car? Oh, thank heavens, sighs the drunk. For a minute there, I thought Id gone deaf. Brenda OMalley is home making dinner, as usual, When Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. Brenda, may I come in? he asks. Ive somethin to tell ya. Of course you can come in, youre always welcome, Tim. But wheres my husband? Thats what Im here to be telling ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery... Oh, God no! cries Brenda. Please dont tell me. I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus Is dead and gone. Im sorry. Finally, she looked up at Tim. How did it happen, Tim? It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat Of Guinness Stout and drowned. Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly? Well, Brenda... No. In fact, He got out three times to pee. Mary Clancy goes up to Father OGradyafter His Sunday morning service, and shes in tears. He says, So whats bothering you, Mary my dear? She says, Oh, Father, Ive got terrible news.My husband passed away last night. The priest says, Oh, Mary, thats terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests? She says, That he did, Father. The priest says, What did he ask, Mary? She says, He said, Please Mary, put down that damn gun... ANDTHE BEST FOR LAST A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, Enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his Attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, aint no use knockin, theres no paper on this side either
Posted on: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 20:36:52 +0000
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