July 26, 2014 My history with God is an extensive one, sprinkled with miracles, divine encounters and deep tangible experiences of love that penetrated the core of me. Maybe that’s normal, and maybe it’s not but today as I sat reading a story I wrote of one such encounter at the age of 17, I was swelled with a deep gratitude. This morning during a phone call with one of my closest friends, she told me that in a recent conversation she had described me as a “spiritual junkie”. That I was obsessed with anything spiritual. She wasnt sure if that would be offensive to me, but it felt accurate. I wanted anything and everything I could get my hands on. And she’s completely right. I like that descriptor. Spiritual Junkie. Or as Gabrielle Bernstein calls it, spirit junkie. Yep. When I look back at my spiritual history, some of it seems small and confined. The part where I felt like the only truth could be found in the pages of Biblical Scripture. That if it wasn’t Jesus, it wasn’t good. But at the time, it didn’t. It felt completely expansive, enthralling and alive. And it’s a deep part of me. A deep part of what got me to my current here and now. So, it wasn’t actually small and it wasn’t confined. It was perfect. For the past few months, I’ve struggled and wrestled. Who is God, if he’s not only who I once thought he was. Who is Jesus if he’s not THE ONLY WAY. Is it possible to reconcile the faith I grew up with and the knowing and experiences I’ve now grown into? Can the God of the bible, Jesus and the Holy Spirit be reconciled with the feeling I now have that God is an ever expansive being of Love that I will never be able to fully comprehend. That could never fit into one dogma, theology or human faith? Yesterday I woke up and my soul ached for Jesus. Not because he’s the only way to God. I just ached for him. The person Jesus. I ache, thirst and long to feel him penetrate my being deeper. And deeper. And deeper. What I love about remembering my history with Spirit, is remembering how vibrant it has been! What a wondrous adventure. Which means. THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH MORE AND MORE AND MORE TO COME. And that. That makes my soul leap and my stomach do flips. I think I’m really lucky. To be 24 and have experienced so many miracles, so much magic. And to know there’s only more to come. Ya. I want more of that. The adventure continues and my obsession deepens. The more I experience, the less my brain can reconcile and comprehend it. And Im okay with that. I hope and pray for experiences that Ill never be able to find words to articulate. P.S. I havent felt this nervous to publish something probably, ever. Cheers to openness and embracing all of who you are.
Posted on: Sat, 26 Jul 2014 21:44:02 +0000
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