Just thinking... No picture to punctuate, no words of wisdom to share. Just taking each day one at a time and actually doing something positive each day. I refuse to sit around waiting to see if a sac in my colon bursts and bleeds me out in five minutes. There is still much life to be lived. And theres a good chance Ill make it to surgery next month. I refuse to feel sorry for myself, I am taking proactive legal action as needed, including the drafting of my will, and demanding access to being able to speak to my mother on the telephone--a request my too busy sister seems to be ignoring. Moms 86, and somewhat fragile mentally--but she is still of reasonably sound mind and should be allowed to make her own decision about whether or not she speaks with me and says her own good-byes. There is a certain freedom to the very uncertainty of surviving each day. This makes me my fathers daughter in more ways than the rest of my family will ever understand. Im not bitter that Todays or tomorrows plans may not be fulfilled. Instead, I am taking positive action to do what I can to lessen the load on my mother should I suddenly die, and to set my affairs in order to ease Joes life afterwards. I will get out and volunteer on those days when I am stronger, and start next years Christmas quilting project with the bonanza of holiday fabrics I came across last night while searching for a cat that did not want to be found. Each day is a gift, and I am taking proactive measures to get what I need more than want until my soul joins the cosmos and adds to the energy of he universe. No one ever accused me of running away from difficult situations--well, maybe once or twice--and Im charging forward. Wish me luck, and please send whatever psychic or spiritual energy you can spare. Dying from a disease that absolutely kills is one thing; living from day to day not knowing if I will survive the day can be daunting...
Posted on: Wed, 03 Dec 2014 11:57:00 +0000
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