Just woke up and started writing... What is FAMILY?: (LONG BUT WORTH THE READ) I have fought ...A LOT in this life! Not proud of it! A few fights over defending someone I love but a whole lotta family feuds because I was young and I just didnt get it!! Im 39 next Friday....and now..I GET IT! I get that there are some family who teach you lessons in life...big and small...like how to take a joke, how to put on make up and how to lose gracefully! I get that there are family that fill your childhood with tid bits of memories like great Grandparents/Aunts/Uncles/family friends. I get that there are certain family that you remain very close to by choice and that is because you all chose to love and respect each other as best you can! I get that there are familly that dont always see eye to eye and that doesnt mean you have to hate them its just better to love them from a far and wish them well. I get that things get UGLY...real ugly sometimes and you feel you will never get past the hurts and I struggle with that myself a lot but I try to get over it... Tonight I had a dream about a fight I remembered from when I was little...it was at my Nana and Grandpas house and it was a card night (if you are Italian you know EXACTLY what that consists of). I use to serve coffee and sandwiches to everyone and get tipped. LOL (Us Italians start making that money young) A huge fight broke out as it did 1000 times on these nights and great Uncle got up and started yelling at my Aunt and and my father was trying to calm them all down seeing that my Nana was getting upset. I remember a snack table being knocked over and people scampering to clean it up. It was loud and scary as it was happening but the dream was vague as to what the argument was and how long it lasted and then it ended. I just got up to get a drink of water and remembered that I had the dream and thought back as best I could on that night... I can right now...over 30 years later... see every face in that dining room... I see my dad and mom, Aunts and Uncles, so young and beautiful, I see my great Aunts and Uncles, Mary and Blackie and hear their voices like they are standing here. I see my Nana and Grandpa SO VIVDLY...she in her black and white striped cotton top and black pants with her mopina on over it with her kerchief in the torn pocket and my Grandpa in his button down long sleeve dress shirt with the first button unbuttoned and his grey slacks. I can smell the mix of smoke and coffee and my mothers perfume...Beautiful I think was the name. I hear people in the kitchen and the clanking of someone washing dishes...probably my Aunt Luana and Aunt Sue (who rarely played but patiently waited for my Uncles to get pissed off enough to leave) LOL I dont remember what that fight was about exactly, I vaguely remember being scared when the table fell over and the screaming that ensued but all I REALLY can remember now....are all the beautiful faces and sounds and smells. I remember all the DETAILS of those people. And I remember how many of them arent here anymore and how I wish I could relive that day, that minute again just to see them...I remember feeling that no matter how awful things were we all had each other and over 30 years later...I THANK GOD THAT IS WHAT STICKS OUT MOST! Im an only child...my kids have no Aunts or Uncles on my side (only one on their dads) and my mother rarely sees her siblings and so there are just a few great Aunts and Uncles that my kids know well through parties and very occasional gatherings. THANK GOD they have my sisters and brothers (cousins and close friends) and their families and all the memories we create together. They are the ONLY Aunts and Uncles my kids will ever know. IM SO GRATEFUL FOR THOSE PEOPLE. I CHERISH THEM SO MUCH! I dont have all the answers and I still have SO MANY questions like... What is MY definition of Family now? They are what defines us, they mold our childhood, certain ones making us either follow in their footsteps or rebel against everything they do. They are the people that hurt us most because we LOVE THEM most. (Cant have one without the other.) They are the ones who tell us when we are wrong, when we are right and know when we are lying or faking a smile. They are part of our thread...we are nothing without them even if we feel hate for them because every person THAT close to us has affected us in some way shape and form. Im an only child...i look at my mother and fathers families at times (6 on one side 5 on the other) and think...whew, thats a lot of craziness, drama and bullshit to deal with...and you know what? I WISH I HAD THAT! I wish I had all those siblings to make all those memories with on the off hours of life where the little details and secrets are made that only you and they know about. Whats that saying? ...the grass is always greener... ;) I dont know what prompted me to start writing this letter in the middle of the night but hope it finds all of you reading it happy, healthy and loved! Maybe it will make ya think, maybe it will make ya mad and maybe...just maybe it will make ya want to reach out to someone and say all the things your ego doesnt want you to. Maybe it will help you LET GO...and that goes for ME too! ;) Gnite and LOVE TO ALL, Dee Colucci
Posted on: Sat, 28 Jun 2014 07:12:28 +0000
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