Know A Liar? (Even You?) 7 Strategies For Getting To The TruthEveryone lies. (Watch Dr. Phil call out his entire audience on it!) People lie an average of three times in the first 10 minutes that theyre trying to get to know each other. A recent survey revealed that men lie six times a day and women lie 3 times a day. Some lies are small (“You havent aged one bit!” or “Sorry Im late, but traffic was horrible!”), but others, like infidelity, can destroy a relationship. If youre close to someone who isnt trustworthy — or youre the one whos not being transparent — you can start making a change with Dr. Phils strategies:1. Start by being honest with yourself. The most destructive lies we tell are the ones we tell ourselves. When you lie to yourself, youre really crippling your ability to interact with the world because how you present yourself to the world impacts how you are treated in return.2. Negotiate for what you want — dont just try to take it with a lie. For example, if you want a baby, going off the pill and tricking your spouse into getting you pregnant is not the way to go! Every lie has a cost. Instead of going about it the wrong way, try pushing for what you want in a mature, straightforward way.3. You teach people how to treat you. You are complicit in someone elses deception when you are willfully blind. Is it clear as day that your partner is cheating but you turn a cheek? If youre in denial, then you are teaching someone he can get away with lying to you. Are you willing to settle for what youre doing, or do you want to teach someone that you deserve better?4. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. If something doesnt feel right to you, it probably isnt. And for every rat you see, there could be 50 you cant. When someone gets caught lying, its likely there are more.5. You cant change what you dont acknowledge. Be real with yourself and with your partner. Be honest with yourself about whether somebody is using you or misrepresenting things to you. Of course that will be painful and could leave you feeling betrayed, but you cant move forward until you recognize whats going on. That takes courage and strength; you may surprise yourself with both when you start to get real.6. Be forthcoming when you start a relationship; ask for the same in return. If youve got a secret, its probably going to come out eventually. So if you think things in your relationship might get serious, you might as well be honest from the beginning. Likewise, if you have trust issues because youve been burnt before, you might say from the get-go: “Listen, Ive been deceived before. So if I seem a little stand-offish or a little suspicious, let me tell you why. I want you to understand where Im coming from because Ive got nothing to hide. I hope youll do the same. 7. Give a loved one the chance to earn your trust back — if he/she deserves it. It is possible for your friend or partner to change, but hes got to earn your trust back one step at a time while you have your eyes wide open. Once he owns it, stops justifying it, and shows that hes willing and capable of building a new history, you can start trusting again. Like Dr. Phil | Follow Dr. Phil | Be on the Show By Rochelle Nelson Everyone lies. (Watch Dr. Phil call out his entire audience on it!) People lie an average of three times in the first 10 minutes that theyre trying to get to know each other. A recent survey revealed that men lie six times a day and women lie 3 times a day. Some lies are small (“You havent aged one bit!” or “Sorry Im late, but traffic was horrible!”), but others, like infidelity, can destroy a relationship. If youre close to someone who isnt trustworthy — or youre the one whos not being transparent — you can start making a change with Dr. Phils strategies:1. Start by being honest with yourself. The most destructive lies we tell are the ones we tell ourselves. When you lie to yourself, youre really crippling your ability to interact with the world because how you present yourself to the world impacts how you are treated in return.2. Negotiate for what you want — dont just try to take it with a lie. For example, if you want a baby, going off the pill and tricking your spouse into getting you pregnant is not the way to go! Every lie has a cost. Instead of going about it the wrong way, try pushing for what you want in a mature, straightforward way.3. You teach people how to treat you. You are complicit in someone elses deception when you are willfully blind. Is it clear as day that your partner is cheating but you turn a cheek? If youre in denial, then you are teaching someone he can get away with lying to you. Are you willing to settle for what youre doing, or do you want to teach someone that you deserve better?4. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. If something doesnt feel right to you, it probably isnt. And for every rat you see, there could be 50 you cant. When someone gets caught lying, its likely there are more.5. You cant change what you dont acknowledge. Be real with yourself and with your partner. Be honest with yourself about whether somebody is using you or misrepresenting things to you. Of course that will be painful and could leave you feeling betrayed, but you cant move forward until you recognize whats going on. That takes courage and strength; you may surprise yourself with both when you start to get real.6. Be forthcoming when you start a relationship; ask for the same in return. If youve got a secret, its probably going to come out eventually. So if you think things in your relationship might get serious, you might as well be honest from the beginning. Likewise, if you have trust issues because youve been burnt before, you might say from the get-go: “Listen, Ive been deceived before. So if I seem a little stand-offish or a little suspicious, let me tell you why. I want you to understand where Im coming from because Ive got nothing to hide. I hope youll do the same. 7. Give a loved one the chance to earn your trust back — if he/she deserves it. It is possible for your friend or partner to change, but hes got to earn your trust back one step at a time while you have your eyes wide open. Once he owns it, stops justifying it, and shows that hes willing and capable of building a new history, you can start trusting again. Like Dr. Phil | Follow Dr. Phil | Be on the Show ift.tt/1gB4pon
Posted on: Thu, 23 Oct 2014 07:20:47 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015