LAST NIGHT ON THE ULTIMATE STATE OF MIND -WIRED TO TAKE CHARGE By Muyiwa Afolabi I kept looking at this man as I engaged him and his wife in a short session of counselling. He was looking low and out, he didnt have any form of confidence, pride or even presence as a man or the husband. He looked really bad with wrinkles across his face and the back of his neck, not because of age but due to so much stress and exposure to hard labour I presumed. He wouldnt look at me, his eyes kept shifting to and fro; looking at nothing precisely, I could tell he had lost every sense of being a man, that sense of responsibility, authority and charge was completely gone; the way the wife kept giving all the answers to my questions; answering the ones directed at her and the ones directed at him, it was clear who was the boss in the marriage. They werent facing marital problems, it was about investment opportunities and success strategy. The wife was the owner and manager of the business, the husband supported and helped her in the managing of the business. She was absolutely in charge. As they left I watched them walk towards the car, get in and drive away, the way and manner he cowered and maneuvered around his very confident wife would leave no one in doubt who was the boss. As he got behind the wheels to drive, but for the fact she sat next to him on the passengers seat, he looked very much like her driver not just in appearance but in attitude, decorum, body language and mannerism. He betrayed he had overwhelming undue respect for his wife. As much as I am for women achieving great feats and succeeding in life; I think it is more beautiful to behold and internalize when the husband is equally successful and in charge. No matter how we look at it, it is naturally correct for a woman to succeed alongside her man and not succeed while the husband remains a failure or a mediocre. I dont suppose any woman truly in love with her husband would desire to be more successful and more in control of her man and her marriage. It is glorious and appropriate to see a woman bask in the success of her husband than to see the man glory in the success of his wife; it is not so comfortable a condition to think. I didnt like what I saw. My dear friend, are you right now in a very low state regarding the affairs of your life? You have tried all you can to succeed at so many things and it appears failure is all you get? Do you feel discouraged and demotivated by all that appears to be failing in and around your life? Are you doing all you have to do just to keep keeping on not sure what tomorrow holds or your current situation portends? Do you daily worry about your inability to effectively be on top of your finances, your career, your relationships, marriage, your children, relatives and even the future? You are so afraid but you put up a front, a façade and appearance that you have it all together so as not to scare those that rely and depend on you for their livelihood and future? Do you worry about your growing responsibilities and expenses; paying the rent, building your house, financing the childrens education, the rising cost of goods and services, dwindling business fortunes and the various challenges in your place of employment and your lack of employment and financial security? Are you perpetually living in fear and all you look unto is divine intervention; believing right now if God doesnt help you, you are totally doomed? My dear friend I know what you feel and believe me I can connect with your state and weariness of mind; as much as all you see that scare you and harass you and intimidate appear real and rife the best reaction is not for you to give up or throw in the towel; oh no. That is definitely not the way out. You see for every situation and condition you find yourself in, you have what it takes inside of you to overcome and defeat any opposition and challenge on the outside. You are a Man; your place in life is a position of charge and control. Nothing on earth is empowered to overcome and destroy you without your permission. If you fail, it only means you gave up. The fact you failed at some things doesnt mean youre a failure; see all the experiences as lessons on how not to do it next time. Dont look at your life and history as a basis to judge your possibilities and potentials. There is so much on the inside of you, youre taking for granted and disdaining. If you can only brace yourself to try one more time you would be amazed at how much energy, drive, creativity and ability you still have. Nothing should conquer you if you refuse to surrender. Come on get up and engage your mind today in thinking solutions and ways out of your present situation. Break that mindset that tells you there is nothing you can do; that thinking you are trapped in life. The keys to all you want in and out of life is in your mind; if you can think it, you can do it, the power of possibilities, solution and ways out lie critically in the ability to think and do. Dear friend you are naturally wired to take charge of all conditions and situations in and around your life. Your mind is developed as a solution center and clue region for ways out. Use your mind; start meditating on solutions and not the problems. Must you do all you think you must do? Are you sure or its just you thinking it? Are there some responsibilities you can shelve for now until things improve? Are you subjecting yourself to sentiments and emotional blackmail by people you admire, love or respect and its killing you slowly and they dont care? Can you discuss and negotiate with your wife on some of the things she believes are a must and in truth are not? Can you face the fact that there are just some things you can no longer afford for now until things get better? Would you kill anyone if you stop paying some unnecessary bills until you get better? Are you living your life for you or other friends and colleagues? Are you still a victim of peer pressure; doing things to make others believe you are what youre really not? The loans, the cars, the expensive clothes, the travels, the high society lifestyle running you fast into sub-zero financial situation and an insecure future? Dear friend you need to think with the mind to be realistic and fair to yourself. Stop punishing yourself to impress people who dont even think, worry or bother about you. Listen most people flocking around you today not out of sincere loyalty or love but more out of what they stand to benefit. Once you have nothing they want anymore, they will definitely move on and forget you ever existed, much less was of help to them. Dear friend, its time to arise and mature in the way you handle your life; get out of debt, buy things you can afford, live your own life and run your race at your pace. Stop competing over vain matters. Now youre under pressure to pay bills for your kids going back to school; for you, the summer holiday was a must because to your mind it is unheard off, you couldnt travel this year – how would people look at you? Hmmm. Youve impressed people who didnt even notice and are not impressed about your expensive vacation, now youre paying the price and bearing the heat alone. Dear friend, think, think and stop making decisions that would keep you in perpetual worry and frustration. Live your life, determine and define your journey, travel light – you dont need all the emotional and sentimental passengers on your journey. Be true to yourself and your realities. Deal with envy and jealousy and vain competition. Dont sink yourself. Raise your game; maturity is self-respect, self-confidence and wisdom, stop seeking the endorsement of people, endorse your life by yourself. Youre a great, mature, responsible; purposeful and success-driven mature man. Take charge of your life. Would you be a mature man today?
Posted on: Sun, 05 Oct 2014 08:07:47 +0000
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