LOL! She should have asked the angels to help her!!! I feel such a fool now! WHAT and WHY have I been panicking so much about nothing? Two hours ago, anybody seeing me staggering in the direction of uni wouldve looked twice and thought they were looking at an old fashioned steam engine, as I tried to focus upon my new breathing techniques (taught by my dear friend Marcus) but I didnt care how I looked, because all I wanted was to arrive on time and get the dreaded meeting over without breaking down in front of the important ones. Im happy to state that it WORKED and I managed to arrive ten minutes early without crying or shaking outside their office, but when I was asked to wait in the corridor for another to show up, the panic started again and once more my sympathetic nervous system went into overdrive. (This controls the flight or fight mechanisms within our bodies and is usually a means of survival, but unfortunately, mine seems to be stuck in the constant alert mode!) I felt trapped and couldnt decide whether to stay and face the music or scarper. As I started hyperventilating again, I left my jacket containing my house-keys and a credit card behind (caring not if somebody nicked them) and made my way onto the stairs, desperately holding onto the rails as I looked down and discovered how far up I was (and you all know I dislike heights), but some inborn stubbornness made me go back inside. Although I thought I was being quiet, suddenly three people emerged from different offices to ask if I was okay, then my massage tutor came to my rescue. Seriously, I thought that I was going to have a heart attack and die on the premises, but when I was told I might have to rearrange the meeting until I was well enough to comprehend everything, I used every ounce of strength to calm my breathing and heartbeat down enough to continue, as I knew that prolonging the agony would simply make my panic even worse! I was stunned to learn that NOBODY from uni has yet threatened to kick me out for missing an assignment deadline (?!?) but was urged to now utilise the whole army of specialists from all sources in order to help me figure out how to stop the nasty flashbacks that lead to these random debilitating panic attacks and that I need to find some way of improving my coping skills!?! (Excuse me, but what exactly do they think Ive been TRYING to do?!? Surely they must KNOW by now that Im trying every method in the book to sort thingys!?! x) Happily, I was assured that Ive passed the other assignment on the new subject Chiropractic, yet they found it disturbing that Ive been stressing so much over the other one, which I SHOULD be finding easy to accomplish, especially as Im now trained on certain aspects with posh letters after my name?!? Anyway, my tutor HAS to mark what I sent in last Friday (even though I KNOW its not good enough) and should it fail, the new mitigating circumstances form comes into effect. If the Board disallows it, then no matter whether I write the next best-seller for scientists on ANOTHER topic and submit it by this summer, Ill be capped at 40% (which is still a pass!?!) but if they ALLOW it, Ill be able to have proper marks which will hopefully be in the upper region that Im used to from yonks ago. Meanwhile, Ive now got two weeks to calm down, read my new reflexology books and get ready to start EARLY on a 3,000 word assignment due in by February. I hugged them all gratefully, then trudged up that steep Cathedral Hill back towards Highlands, suddenly feeling that my feet were kissing the ground! The fact that I now look like a beaten-up cabbage patch doll matters not, because Im STILL at my beloved uni and know that Im surrounded by angels in all forms. I thank you ALL from my heart and am now about to try to sleep for maybe a hundred years....or until I recover! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Posted on: Wed, 14 Jan 2015 18:47:14 +0000