•LONG POST• What to say.. Where to start.... This is emotional. This is hard. As HELL. But I have a huge confession.... Im sitting on the couch right now with tears in my eyes trying to figure out why I am the way I am. A little while ago I started on this journey of helping raise two kids that werent mine. Two kids I grew to love. Two kids I was mean to. Two kids that I took for granted because I didnt see the beauty in them and their innocence. I also took on the role of trying to perfect everything and nothing at the same time. Im a lunatic. If you were in my head you would understand. I make myself mad. I over analyze and make up things in my head to get stressed about. I was in a relationship with my best friend. I took everything I had for granted and was so quick to throw blame on everybody else. Im a pitiful excuse for the person I know I can be. Now that those two kids no longer live with me, I find myself wishing I had been nicer to them while they were here and cuddling and hugging instead of hollering and cleaning or straightening. Tonight I got Tallie and braxton when I picked up rayliee from Carla Winters Kruse who picked them up from school since I work Mondays. Carla and her family have been a huge help from the time justin and I got together and I am VERY thankful for them!! But I knew I was supposed to help rayliee make her 100 day shirt for school. On my way home I got two more shirts... One for Tallie and one for braxton. Braxton wasnt excited about making a shirt, but me and Tallie and rayliee sat down and made shirts. They showed me where they wanted the gems to go and I got 2nd degree burn from the glue gun :) we (attempted) to make a fort in the play room so they could watch movies at bedtime. So many things I could have been doing while they lived with me that I think about doing now. Hindsight is 20/20. Im thankful I still get to spend time with those two little munchkins. Yes they get me upset and aggravated but thats what kids do. Im happy to hear them say kimber youre the best ever! Even though Ive been mean to them before and put them in time out or busted their butts they still halfway seem to like me. Idk where Im going with this post. I guess Im just trying to say if youve got people in your life that you genuinely care about.... Spend time with them. Dont let your life get you so aggravated that you lash out on those you love. I most definitely need to appreciate what I have because Ive messed up a whole world of things by being ungrateful and being negative ad just down right hateful to people I love. I cant change how I was in the past but I can change how I am from now on. I dont like being mad. I dont like being angry. I like smiles and happy faces. Idk if any of this will make sense to anybody.... But it makes sense to me... Now... For the shirts? Well Im no artist!!! Rayliee is very VERY particular, and hers isnt done because it has to have 100. But Tallie loved placing her gems wherever she wanted and she may wear her beauty to school tomorrow!
Posted on: Tue, 27 Jan 2015 03:52:16 +0000
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