LOVE AND TEARS(Bad love story) #FrancisOtim Everybody is so deceiving and ruthless in this world, people run after money and fame, they overlook injustice and betrayal. I am always appalled and disgusted by these peoples behaviours and wish I could do something to bring justice. Sometimes I love this Dunya and sometimes I hate this Dunya but what Ive got to work on remembering is that this dunya is only a few days bliss, my life after here is eternal, now what would I work towards? Making my eternal life better or enjoying this life for a few days pleasure? Im sure if we knew the importance of the hereafter we would not be living this life as if we are here to stay and this is our eternal abode, Alas! how wrong we are!!! True Mumin would see this world and live this world as a traveller so as to not attain love for this dunya. I am no saint in fact I am a big sinner, since childhood, I dreamt of falling in love, having a fairytale wedding and living a happily ever after, how wrong was I!!! At the end, neither did I find my perfect man or a fairytale wedding! my wedding day was the most saddest day of my life, for I did not want to marry the man I married, I was already in love, I was in love with a loser who I thought to be my husband from my fairytale dream, I dreamt with him everything I could imagine of and every fairytale I heard of and everything I saw on tv screens! My lover - lets call him Mr Loser, did not appreciate me at all, he lied, betrayed and treated me like a dirt bag - though he wasnt as blunt as my words. He pretended all the time, he pretended to love me, he pretended to be my well wisher and he pretended and pretended in everything he did and said. Weeks or days went by without him knowing what am doing or how am doing, every time he said he loved me, it failed to touch my heart like I dreamt it was not sincere. I do not know why out of all people it had to happen to me, it was as if my soul already knew this was to come at some point in my life as I dreaded this happening since I was 8, 7 or even 6! I dreaded that one day I will give my heart to someone and they would shatter it into pieces and return it back to me to repair without any real explanation of why it got broken in the first place. I needed re-assurance from my lover many a times that he will not break this heart because that is one thing I fear the most but I only asked the question and never waited for an answer as my mind was already made up and my heart was already lost, lost to some heartless creature who does not know how a broken heart can not be mended. He played with my heart and my life as if I was a doll made of a cloth who did not have a heart to be hurt or mind to understand. He wasnt the fool as in truth I was the FOOL! I was stupid to let him control my emotion and control how I thought, for he played a very clever game. He gave me dreams of having children and spending my life with him, he even gave me the pleasure of naming my child as he told me I was to do that when we have our own kids! I kept telling him that my mother has given her word to someone for my hand and I warned him many a times that he might lose me if he takes no action - I was oblivious to the fact that little did he care about my life and what would happen to me. He had dreams of his own with his wife or girlfriend neither which was I. After pretending many days and weeks, even years, one day he came on msn and told me that his past has come to haunt him, he told me that his ex has come back and she has brought him a daughter, a daughter apparently she had without his knowledge! the daughter was already 1 years old or so and she kept it hidden from him. After few days he came again on msn and starting telling me about how much fun he had that day with his exs made up daughter, he told me that he is planning on getting married to her and did no mention of OUR relationship, the relationship he dragged me into by constantly calling and mailing of his liking to me. He nagged and nagged me until I gave in and let loose my heart. Where was that liking then? I asked him to get a DNA test done as I was thinking of everything I can to ensure that we do not break up, I was in betrayal and hoped that just like my fairytale husband, all these issues will disappear and it will turn out that this so called daughter was not his daughter but to my dismay, he told me that he had already done and he is the father, he also told me how his ex was not that kind and the DNA came positive anyway. He didnt have any shame or guilt to express his love for his ex to me and it left me bewildered as to why he even dragged and suffocated me in this relationship, what did I ever do to him to cause me such grief and pain?? He pretended that everything was fine, he didnt even owe me an apology that this has happened he pretended that we never were together or even knew each other, his current life was what it was all about and I was just an unfortunate mistake in his life. I tried to get hold of anyone that he knew to ask them of his situation, I had contact with one of his mate so out of concern for him I asked his mate about his situation, Hes mate would not tell me much but he did tell me that he didnt know anything like this happening to his mate and that he saw him last week and he was fine( he did not have a daughter or an ex who had come back). His mate told me to forget about him as that would be the best thing and when I enquired his mate that was Mr Loser really a bad person as I think of him to be his mate said he is a nice person to them but maybe hes different with girls. I must say, hes mate gave me more consolation than he ever did! I cried nights after nights and hoped my life would end, to that point, I still begged his ex to look after him and take good care of him (although that was him and he pretended to be his ex on msn). I still had doubts that hes mate knew everything and kind of believed that maybe that is what has happened and he has not told his mates. Over in my house, my mother and family were too busy planning for my wedding and planning for our flight to bd, only to that point I did not revoke or refuse to go. I agreed with my mother to go bd and see what my potential is like before I give my hand, my mother was okay with that, she was happy that I agreed to go and that her izzat would be in tact more than anything. A week before my flight to bd, I asked him if I could see him before I go as I needed to finish some unfinished business, he wasnt sure if he will be able to see me but gave me hope and said he will let me know the next day. We met up 2-3 days before my departure, we hardly spoke, he gave me a lift to my house, when I got out of his car he reminded me that Im leaving my bag to which I said its yours. I left him all the gifts that I had bought him in the past few months as I never got to see him to give it to him and a letter that I had wirtten with my broken heart. Throughout my relationship with him, I consoled myself by buying him things and forced myself to believe that he was still mine, so what if I didnt see him, hes busy all the time as he says but Ill still play the relationship game on my own as I can not bare to accept the fact that he was not mine. That night, he came on msn and expressed how unhappy he was to receive them gifts and how much he regretted not buying me any gift, he said he was stupid not to buy me aything and said I shouldnt have spent so much. As if any gifts in the world would mean anything to him as much as it would mean for him to just give me a proper explanation of why he played me, what crime I did for him to do this to me. He also told me that he didnt mean to hurt me but hes sorry that things did not work out and that he is sad about the way I feel as he feels something else. We said our goodbyes and parted our own ways. I know now for sure that he lied to me but I still wonder why? why did he do that to me, what was I lacking? was I too short for him? was I too ugly? and even if I was why did he even decide to take things further after he had seen me? (I initially met him online). Even to this day, I feel the pain and hurt from this betrayal and I dont know how long more this will continue to happen. I hate him but at the same time I feel like I still love him but I kick myself for it because this fool does not deserve my love. I have a very wonderful husband, a husband any girl would dream of having. He loves me, respects me and listens to my needs. He may not be as good looking (in my eyes) as Mr Loser but hes more than anything Mr Loser could have been husband wise and character wise. After I came back married from BD, Mr Loser came on msn the first day I logged on and asked how my holiday went etc, I told him that I have found a husband of my dreams, I told him my husband isnt the best looking man in my eyes but he is everything else I ever dreamt of. I told him how much my husband loved me and cared about me, he even wrote a few poems for me in my short stay in bd! Mr Loser wanted me to tell him the poems and said thats good. in conversation he even said hes better than me anyway. He felt jealous when I told him that my husband was really close with his mother and when I was feeling sick after marriage, he told his mother because he was worried about me and thought I was pregnant, then in conversation I told him that my hubby and we had so much in common with each other and we even had few beauty spots in the same places, to that, Mr loser replied did he tell his mum about those too. LOL I dont know why he felt jealous as he has no right to! Although I feel sad looking back and knowing that I had wasted few years of my life to nothing, I can still say it could have been worse because though I loved him so much I never let him touch me or come anywhere near me. I dont know whether he feels cold or warm as we never even held hands. I admit that he was good in that way that he didnt pressure me in to anything or try to force himself on me. He did hint couple of times that he wanted something more but I told him that its a sin and I do not want to do anything until we are married. He showed his annoyance sometimes by telling me how he finds it strange to love someone yet not be able to touch. I explained to him the reason why. I know he still to this date isnt married and he is single but I keep wondering why he had to do that to me, I want a proper explanation. He told me he wont marry until hes 25 and hes passed that age now and sometimes I can console myself by saying that even if he hadnt broken up I still wouldnt have been able to marry him - knowing my family, they wouldnt have allowed me to be single at 25! My question to you would be, after reading the whole story, have you got any gut feeling as to why he left me? What could be the reason? My advice to everyone reading this would be, If you fall for a guy, ask him to marry you, if he doesnt talk about marriage or ignores most of the things you talk about relating to marriage, he is not serious. LEAVE HIM!
Posted on: Thu, 04 Dec 2014 22:14:26 +0000
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