Last night I made myself a solemn vow that I would go to the gym this morning for the first time in 6 months. I have outlined my experience below: 1) I checked Micah and Juliet into the childcare room, ignored Micahs wailing and escaped the pervasive scent of goldfish, apple juice and poop. 2) I went into the cool, quiet restroom and contemplated remaining there for the next hour. After 5 minutes, I remembered the spirit of my promise to myself, emerged from the restroom and entered the workout room. 3) I climbed onto the last vacant elliptical at the exact moment the childcare worker cheerfully called my name and told me that Micah needed a diaper change. 4) I left the workout room and made my way back to the childcare room, changed Micahs diaper, and watched Juliet distract and then borrow the tiara a little girl had been holding. I pretended that I had not seen this exchange. 5) I made it back to the workout room in time to see the last elliptical become occupied by a muscly woman wearing a shirt that said, Im the man. 6) I got on the last vacant treadmill and immediately understood why no one had been using that particular unit—the directional fan on the wall above the unit was aimed at my face and blowing gale force winds. 7) While treading on the mill with my eyes closed, I realized that I had left my headphones on the kitchen table at home. I proceeded to attempt to block out the odd music mix blaring from the speaker right next to my head, which included Justin Beiber, Milli Vanilli, and some dude rapping about cauliflower. The step instructors voice from the next room kept shrieking, Fake it till you make it! 8) I faked it for 30 minutes and then sat in the lobby, made a grocery list and listened to a guy telling another guy about his knee surgery. The guy who was supposed to be commiserating about the bad knee was staring off into space and Im pretty sure he was taking a nap with his eyes opened. 9) I retrieved the littles and was told that Juliet repeatedly, distracts and then takes toys from other children. When the children would cry, Juliet would point her finger in their faces and say, Shhh! You OK! We share! I apologized for her behavior and was told that I should work on her social skills. I asked how the worker recommended that I do that. She said I should start by modeling appropriate sharing. I guess that means I cant borrow Juliets french fries anymore. 10) I made it home and put the kids down for a nap. As I type, they are upstairs singing loudly with no intention of sleeping. I have made myself a solemn vow that I will go back to the gym in July.
Posted on: Mon, 02 Jun 2014 16:51:16 +0000
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