Last night was the worst night of my life. I don’t say that flippantly. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” (Psalm 23:4) Yesterday at 9:15am Beckett woke up with a 102 fever. I gave him some Tylenol (and popsicles for breakfast) and he started to feel a little cooler! Before naptime I gave him a little ibuprofen and he slept for 3½ hours. He doesn’t usually nap that long, but I just thought maybe he didn’t sleep well the previous night. He woke up extremely lovie and clingy to me (which I don’t mind!!, but wasn’t able to get anything done). When David got home I asked him to hold Beckett while I fixed dinner. David was holding Beckett in his lap and noticed that he felt hot. David started to unzip his footie jammies a little bit at the top and Beckett jerked. At first David thought it startled Beckett…but then something wasn’t right. David yelled for me. I ran. Beckett jerked a few more times. Convulsing. His eyes weren’t open. They wouldn’t open. I asked David to call my dad with my phone. David was calling 911 with his phone. I picked Beckett up and swiped his mouth (even though he hadn’t been eating, I wanted to make sure he wasn’t choking). Nothing. I fell to my knees in our entry way trying to see him in better light. Then his eyes started rolling back. I’ve never seen anything like this. It was surreal. I wanted to scream and cry at the same time. The Holy Spirit came upon me and lead me. I didn’t scream. I didn’t cry (yet). I looked Beckett up and down looking for what could’ve caused whatever was happening. I held his torso in my hands and his head fell back. Limp. His arms and legs too. Limp. I felt as if I was holding my dead baby. It was the worst feeling in the entire world. I wanted to scream. I didn’t. I prayed. “Lord, You are the God of the universe. You raised people from the dead in the past and I KNOW You can do it today. Lord, in Your name I ask You to raise Beckett from the dead. Lord, please God! I am nothing. You are everything. Could You please come to my rescue and heal my baby. Please, Lord, please. I know You can do it. I know it. I pray in the name of Jesus Christ…please heal my son.” Beckett’s lips were blue. He wasn’t breathing. At. All. I tried talking to him, singing to him, blowing in his face. Nothing. (All of this occurred in about 15 seconds) David told me to get in the car. David grabbed Paxton. I had Beckett in my arms. I was tearing Beckett’s jammies off of him as we were walking outside (it was so cold). We got in the car. There I was…holding what felt like my lifeless baby’s bare body. And then the prayers started getting fierce. Bold. Confident. “Lord, You will heal my child. You performed miracles in the past and You have not stopped now. You are STILL the miracle worker. You can do this God. You can. We are powerless. But Your power…oh God…YOUR power can bring him back to life. Breathe on Him, God. Breathe Your Breath. Yahweh…give him life. The enemy came to steal, kill and destroy, but YOU…You have come to give life and give it abundantly. God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. God who raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Breathe on my son, Lord.” Beckett began to breathe!!! (now I was crying!!) His chest was moving up. His chest was moving down. I could hear it. Air going through his tiny naked body. Up. Down. Up. Down. “Oh, God! YES!!! More of this, God! Yes!! More of this, God!! LIFE! Yes, Lord! Yes! We thank you for this! We thank you for this life! We thank You for this air! This breathe!” (tears) Beckett was completely unresponsive. But breathing. All this time David was on the phone with 911. We drove to the nearest fire station (since we live out in the country). We asked the ambulance to meet us at the fire station. When we got to the fire station Beckett was still breathing! Unresponsive, but breathing. The EMS workers started to give him oxygen and evaluate him. When they started messing with his feet Beckett began to “wake up”! HE WAS RESPONDING!! His eyes were red. He looked so confused. I hurt for him. I wanted to take his place. The EMS workers were excited to see him responding!! They reassured me that all of these were GREAT signs!! The ambulance came about 5 minutes later. They attached Beckett’s car seat to the stretcher and loaded him in. I went in the ambulance with Beckett. Tom and Brenda (David’s parents) came to the fire station to get Paxton. David drove our van behind the ambulance. While in the ambulance the EMS guy told me to keep saying whatever I was saying in Beckett’s ear because it was working! I told the man I was whispering the Word of the Lord to him! Scripture. Prayers. Scripture. Blessings. Thankful words. Promises. Christian Lullabies. Then it hit me. Perhaps this didn’t happen just for Beckett. Maybe this isn’t about him. Or me. Or David. What if this was for someone else? What if He was using this for His glory? What if He was using this for His good?! I started looking. Praying for doctors, praying for nurses, praying for firefighters, praying for EMS workers. Silently. Then I started talking to the EMS worker in the ambulance. Josh. What if I was there for him? I asked him if he was a Christian. Not a Christian, but very much a God-believer. We talked more! He was a Jew. I secretly prayed for him. Then I just really felt the Spirit asking me to pray over him. Out loud. So I did. I asked if I could approach the Lord for him and with him. To pray blessings over his life! He kindly agreed. I reached for his hand. Sometimes it’s the little acts of Christian love that God is asking us to share with others. We don’t know where it will lead, but we must be obedient to the Lord’s leading. Even if, or rather—especially when, it’s awkward. We arrived at the ER. Beckett was showing great signs the entire ride there that they didn’t turn the sirens and lights on! I knew that was a good sign! He was taken to Urgent Care Room 2. Beckett was completely normal once we got there! He was still running a fever and was absolutely terrified of the crowd of doctors and nurses. All good signs! No one seemed to be too concerned…which seemed like a great sign!! They took his temp (101) and checked his breathing. The nurse gave him some Tylenol. Then everyone left the room. My dad walked in!! He reassured me that it was a GOOD sign when he found us in the “Urgent Care Unit” instead of the “Critical Care Unit”!! I quietly prayed for those in the CCU. I quietly prayed for all of the babies and parents in the rooms surrounding us. Yes! Thank you, God, that we are not in the Critical Care Unit, but show Yourself to those who are. Save their babies. Bless them. Be near them. Later my mom came in! Later my brother, Heath, came in and prayed and read Scripture over my son! Later my sister-in-love, Mary Beth, came in! I received many texts from the rest of our family. I heard that they were praying in the waiting room. I could feel it. For the next hour or so we waited. David found Paxton’s church backpack in the car! Beckett loved reading, eating a snack, playing with stickers and coloring! He ate crackers and drank apple juice! He was alive! He was breathing! He was smiling! He was dancing! He was…here. Last night and today I have constantly wrestled with all of the “what if’s”…what if he had died. What if we were planning my baby’s funeral? How would I survive? How would David and I handle it? What would Paxton do? …I quickly realized these negative thoughts were NOT going to help me. I am continually taking these thoughts captive and putting them at the feet of Jesus and THANKING Him. Thanking Him that these things did not happen. Thanking Him for every moment that I felt the Comforter surround my entire body, mind and soul with His peace that passes all understanding. Thank You. Thanking Him for my quick thinking husband! Thanking Him for everyone who had medical training for moments like these. Praying for those whose babies had different outcomes. Hurting for others. Grieving with them. Thanking God over and over again for His blessing of life. Thanking Him for healing my son!!! My son is alive!!! There is a reason for this. Is it for you? Do you need to know that my God is still THE Miracle Worker? Do you need to know that He still hears our prayers? Do you need to know that HE loves you (more than your parents could ever love you)? Do you need to be encouraged by His grace and mercy to His followers? Do you need to hear a story with a good ending? Whatever the reason. Whoever needed to hear this. I told God that I would be faithful to write this and share it to bring Him glory. May everything in my whole life bring glory and honor and praise to the ONE who can raise the dead. Eternally grateful to God. Forever. Here I am Lord. Use me. I’m Yours. MY SON IS ALIVE!! *Side Note: When David first called my mom he told her that Beckett wasn’t breathing. She called my dad, my brothers and sister-in-loves, and I’m not sure who else. But immediately this “great cloud of witnesses” each dropped on their faces and prayed for my son. I do believe that God heard all of our prayers. I believe He heard the petitions. I know He did!
Posted on: Thu, 08 Jan 2015 00:39:01 +0000
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