Lena bug scared the crud out of me! She is awake and was playing in her chair as I was putting clothes away when I hear some strange noises she started to make. Lena isnt technically fully vocal but is able to say a few single words and makes noises quite a lot. I have learned over the years what most of those noises mean along with the different cries she has. I watch Lena closely and memorize it all as best I can. So when I heard noises I had actually never heard before it startled me. Thankfully it did and I ran in because she had somehow turned her upper body in her chair to the point her left arm was stuck behind her. Her throat had sat right on the seat bar of her chair, cutting off her oxygen supply. With her decreased strength and not being able to use one of her arms, she was unable to get herself out of that position and she was choking. Her face was already red as I ran in but thankfully I was able to turn her around and sit her up so that her throat wasnt on the bar anymore. She thought it was hilarious, I am still literally shaking right now. This is why I watch her so closely, why I sacrifice sleep as much as I do. One tiny thing that could happen to any child could cost her, her life. I have to be there whenever she is awake and periodically throughout the night to make sure she is safe. It really made me realize just how fragile she is. Dont get me wrong, Lena is by far the strongest person I know. Her strength and determination is beyond admirable. But she is very vulnerable and in constant need of care, a care I would give my life to give her. I have been told that I baby her, that I am over protective, that I dont let her be a kid enough. But this seemingly small situation just proves why I do what I do and why I go above and beyond for her. I wont lose her, I just cant. Keeping my babies safe, happy, and as healthy as possible is my only motivation for living. One wrong move, one slip up could cost me everything and I cant mess up. Watching her face as I was running to her I had flashbacks, one of the many downfalls of being in numerous terrifying situations, it brought back so many emotions from our journey. It breaks my heart to know that Lena couldnt save herself in a situation like that and paralyzes me with fear that something could happen one day when Im not around. Having a child who is so fragile and vulnerable has its bad sides for sure, I could only imagine what was going through her head in those seconds. While it only took a couple for me to get to her and get her turned over, it must have been terrifying for her. This is also why I work day and night to do her therapy. Even if she does always need me and honestly I hope she does because I just love taking care of her, I hope to help her be able to help herself some day. I give her my all and she does the same for me. I will always be here for her and Im honored that God chose me to guide her and care for such an incredible little girl! Please pray we have no more of these scares. I think its time for me to start searching for a safer seat for her. I think she will fight me over it though, she has an obsession with this chair. The wild world of our family! Always on my toes.
Posted on: Sat, 16 Aug 2014 08:43:20 +0000
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